


Baby and me

by Beckily



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Birth, Brief masturbating, F/M, Infant Care, M/M, Marriage, Modern Girl in Thedas, Multi, Oral Sex, Polyamory, Sex, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-25
Updated: 2018-11-18
Packaged: 2019-01-05 03:22:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 25
Words: 39,861
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12181941
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Beckily/pseuds/Beckily
Summary: I wake up under a rift. In the rain. With my two month old.Fuck.Luckily I am on the Storm Coast and am able to find the Chargers.Now what?--This will have a lot about caring for a young baby so the joys of pee, poo, and lots of nursing.





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Edit:  
> A picture of Raia and Max as they would have looked while meeting Bull.  
> 

_Fuck.  
Fuuuuuck._

I was very wet, and not in a good way. It hadn’t stopped raining since I woke up. My clothes were soaked. My baby’s clothes were soaked. Luckily it was warm. Ish. Also luckily, the rift we woke up under wasn’t pouring demons. But I woke up under a rift. With my baby. In the rain. By the ocean, so I was guessing Storm Coast? I supposed there is rather a lot of coast, but I was voting for Storm because then there should be (or eventually will be) Inquisition camps. Or maybe the Chargers if I was too early for the Inquisition? How long did the Chargers hang out waiting? The timing of that quest was always confusing for me.

I was huddled in a (spider free! Darkspawn free!) cave in fucking Thedas, nursing a soggy 2 month old. Not real cheerful, but trying to focus on positives. No demons! Nothing actually trying to kill me at all up to that point, actually. Max was alive! That was super great. Waking up in Thedas under a rift with a dead baby would have been far worse. We had the diaper bag! I could have used it to change our clothes, but as I couldn’t actually just hang out in a cave forever, I didn't see the point in getting more clothes wet.

I did eat a granola bar, though. I hoped Thedas had chocolate, because otherwise these granola bars were going to be my last chocolate and I would cry.

Also good, I had my nice baby carrier. He was done nursing, so it was time to strap him on, pack my shit and head out looking for people who won’t kill me. 

They were my very favorite kind.

\---  
Chargers it was, apparently! Hopefully. I thought found their camp, anyway. They were gone. Well, not all of them, obviously, you don’t all leave and leave your camp set up unless you want your shit to get taken. But Bull and Krem weren't here there, so I was just pretty sure this was the right place. There was a Dalish blonde lady here and a man who might be Stitches.

So. Plan. I would sing Disney songs and slowly meander by. That wasn't startling, right? Because startling seemed bad. Weird seemed okay. And I would hold Max in my arms to be extra obvious, because I didn’t want them to shoot him. Us. Anyone. 

_A dream is a wish your heart makes._

\--  
He didn't even bother with weapons. He just stared. And laughed. And asked what the fuck I was doing.

“Fair question. I am being unthreatening in the hopes that you don’t shoot us and maybe offer a place to be where we won’t get eaten.”

“Why would you bring a baby here? Where are your people?” asked the man looking at me with confusion. _Also good questions!_

“I would never chose to bring a baby here. Or come here. I just woke up here. Over there. Wetly. As for people, I haven’t any. I would like some. Some with weapons. And tents. Fire. Stuff,” I grimaced, “Can we please come sit down? I can’t hurt you.”

“Yeah, right, come on then,” he waved us over and pointed at a tent. “You can change in here, if you have dry clothes. And stay in there while we wait for the Chief to get back.”

“You are a fantastic human and I love you. Thank you so much.” I crawled in and put Max on the bedroll before digging through the bag. I used to pack a spare t-shirt so that it could be used by me or my husband, but I started packing a spare dress instead after a very messy incident. Nothing nice, just a rayon maxi dress, but it was another outfit and I am extremely grateful right now.

The real awesome thing? I had a solar phone charger. My phone had proof of my story should I tell my story. 

I laid out our clothes to dry a bit, drank some water from my water bottle and stared at a Max for a bit. Dry, relatively safe, in with people I knew the probable future for and now what? I can see them helping us, but I don’t know why they’d keep us. Would it be terrible to be dropped at the first Chantry we come across? That felt like the most likely offer. I didn’t really know what was going to be going on outside of the game, but probably the options are safer than Haven.

But I could help. Not with fighting or anything - HA - but I knew what’s going to happen. I was a massage therapist, I could help with rehab after injuries. I was lactating, I could be a wet nurse for a least one more baby. I’m not useless, I could find something to do and then find a way to sneak in information. Maybe offer to watch everyone’s kids in the Chantry during the Breach sealing party so they’re already there and safe. I don’t want to get big attention, but surely there’s a way to be subtle.

I didn’t want to wait it out somewhere else, I wanted to go to Skyhold and help. And meet the inner circle, because I’m a total fan girl. Shut up.

Max was starting to fuss. I didn't have enough diapers to keep him in diapers, so I guessed I should start as I meant to go on. I grabbed him up, stripped his bottom half and walked to the edge of camp, aiming his butt forward, holding him by his knees, his back against my chest.

“I’m Raia, by the way. This is Max.” 

The man in the camp was looking at me like I’m crazy. Max peed and sprayed out poop. The guy cracked up.

“Stiches. I’m Stiches. That’s the damndest thing I’ve ever seen!”

I wiped his butt with a leaf and grinned. “Yeah. I don’t have enough diapers. He cries before peeing and fusses even more before he poops, so I can generally do this and keep his diaper clean. Much easier to do outside, I must say.”

In the bag, I had 4 flat cotton diapers. I used one as a little blanket and wrapped Max instead of bothering with a diaper or pants. I sat back down in the tent, but at the entrance so we could talk. We discussed the weather (wet), demons (we’re against them), and giant spiders (probably not a good mount, but maybe if you raised them from birth). 

I was up pooping the baby again when everyone comes back. I didn’t think there could have been a more amusing moment. I heard footsteps and looked up to see The Iron Bull staring at me. He was huge. And grey. And very confused. They all just stopped and blinked at me.

Max pooped. If you don’t know, breastfed baby poop just sprays out with a little fart sound. My husband insisted that I shouldn’t weaponize it, but you could. Most people don’t know this because they keep those little butts covered.

Anyway.

Bull stared for a second and then looked at Stitches with an eyebrow raised. 

“That’s Raia and Max,” Stitches was very nonchalant.

Bull stared at me instead.

“Hello!” I had wiped the baby and was wrapping him up. “We shouldn’t be here. It isn’t safe. I don’t know how we got here, but now we’re here and they were nice and didn’t stab me.” 

Real nice, right? Yeah. You try being articulate. The Iron Fucking Bull! Right there! I mean, I wasn’t caught with my dick out or anything, but I was caught with my baby’s dick out and it’s not quite the dignified first impression I was aiming for.

Not that I have a dick. Whatever, not the point.

The rest of the Chargers came into camp and settled in. So nice to not be even vaguely threatening.

“I’m The Iron Bull. These are my Chargers. What do you mean, you don’t know how you got here?” Bull slowly came into the camp, and motioned me to follow him into his tent.

“I just woke up here. Just me and Max,” I sat. Max started fussing, wanting to eat. “I’m going to get my tit out now.”

Baby happily nursing, I took a moment to look around. Like the camp, the tent was neat. Efficient. Not that there’s a lot in a tent, but it’s nicer than I would have set up.

Bull sighed. “You’re right. You really shouldn’t be here. We need to stay for a bit, meet some people. We can’t just leave you to yourselves, though, you wouldn’t last a day.” I nodded.

He sighed again. “We also don’t have any spare tents. I am going to look through your stuff, just to be sure you’re not the best spy ever, but after that you guys can sleep in here. With me. I’m the only one with any room.”

I nodded. “We really appreciate it. I’ll try to not be in the way. I can help a bit, too, if you tell me what to do. I’m tethered pretty tight to this guy since he’s so young, but I have a carrier so I can have my hands free.”

Bull went to get my bag while I scrambled to organize my thoughts. I'd have to tell him where I came from, nothing in my bag came from Thedas and it was really obvious. I decided to just be honest and explain as he asked because it's all the mental energy I had left. 

Max was asleep so I fixed my clothes and got comfy with him laying across my crossed legs. Okay, it wasn't very comfy and I missed my recliner but I'm not putting him or myself in Bull’s bed uninvited.

Bull was back with my bag, wet clothes draped over it, and a carefully blank expression on his face. Oh, yay! This would be great!

_Please don't call me a demon and chop off my head._

“I can see that nothing about you is going to make sense. Here. Walk me through it,” he said as he put the bag down by my side.

“Yes. Not really sure how to do this bit. Can I put him in your bed to sleep?”

He nodded and I carefully transferred the baby to the bed. He stayed asleep. Rare but awesome.

“Okay. This is my diaper bag. I carry it when I take the baby out so I have his stuff with me when I need it,” I unzipped it and looked inside. “This is a changing pad, so I have somewhere clean for him to lay when I change his diaper. These are diaper covers. They are waterproof, and I stuff them with one of these diapers. I imagine these look familiar, at least.”

I went through the bag - a few disposable diapers, pack of wipes, first aid kit, spare clothes, baby blanket, ring sling, granola bars, water bottle, Leatherman tool. Then I hesitated.

“This is a phone charger. Uh, solar. I figure you'll have questions on this stuff first? Once we get to the phone, you'll be distracted.” I smiled nervously.

“Let's get to the phone, then. This all makes sense, so far. Obviously not from around here. Phone.”

I pulled out my phone and handed it to him. “Phone. The screen is glass, so be gentle. It's a very complicated device but it is not a weapon. I need to push the button and it will light up. Not a weapon. Okay?”

He frowned but handed it back to me. _Here goes._ I turn it on.

“Originally phones were much bigger and were solely for communication. You spoke into the mouthpiece and the sounds traveled through wires to another phone and they could hear you. Like a sending crystal? They'd talk back. You could talk to anyone in the world, from right in your home. Then we got better at electronics - these are electronics - and phones got smaller and then wireless. Then they invented cell phones. The first were smaller and had smaller screens. You could call people, and they had a game or two, and a calculator - to help you with math. This one can call people or send text messages, take pictures and record moving pictures. There are games and books and, at home, access to unlimited information. They're really amazing.”

I went to my pictures folder and showed him pictures of Max and my family. Then the calculator. He was silent. I took a picture of him and handed then phone to him, his picture on the screen.

He touched the picture of himself. “Huh.”

“Yeah. We, uh. We're from somewhere very different. I'm really not going to have the skills for your world without a little help. I would.. really appreciate help. I have my baby. I'm glad to have him with me so he hasn't lost his mom so young, but this is going to be really hard.”

“What skills did you have? In your world?” He was being very still, looking at his picture.

“I was a massage therapist. I treated injuries, helped people heal faster, hurt less. And then I had a baby, so I was taking time off working to be with him. My husband..” _deep breath!_ “My husband made enough money, I just worked because I loved it.”

“He's not with you.” He finally looked up at me.

“No. No, I woke up under weird green light in the air.” He frowned. “Just me and Max. We were very wet, but I don't know how long I was out. I found an empty cave and stayed there for a little bit while I freaked out. Then I went hunting for people. Found your camp. Here we are.”

He put down the phone and dug through my bag, to be sure there wasn’t a hidden weapon. Had me show him the Leatherman tool. Liked it, kept it. Made sense, it was a weapon. Then he went out to grab us some dinner.

I flopped back on the floor in relief. He wasn't showing me much reaction, but I was alive and he was going to feed me. Seemed positive.

He laughed when he came back, finding me flopped on my back. Gave me a bowl with some meat and vegetable soup and a spoon. He sat and stared at me for a bit.

“I don't really know what to do with you. Your story is crazy, but pretty obviously true. I can't leave a helpless woman and a baby on their own, I might as well kill you myself - I won't, don't worry,” he smiled at whatever traumatized face I was making. “We're here to get hired, though. It isn't for an easy or short job. There's some bad shit going down and we're hoping to help the people trying to fix it. I don't think it'd be a safe place for you guys, but I'm not sure of a safer place to put you on the way.”

“I want to go with you. I can help.”

He eyed me. 

“I, uh,” _deep breath, Raia_ , “my world knows about your world. Thedas. The Breach. It's tearing into my world, obviously, since I'm here. Let me help. Anyone working to stop it is also the most likely to figure out how to send me back. Please”

Max started to root in his sleep, so I laid down with him and offered him a boob. He started nursing, still asleep.

“This is my life now,” I said with a smile. “My mother called it ‘tending the tube’ - always either putting something in or cleaning it up when it comes out.”

 

He laughed. He had a really great laugh. Quiet, so he didn’t wake up the baby.

“You can stay. We’ll talk to the Inquisition people when we see them. I can’t make any promises, but I don’t see them turning down help. They take refugees and you’re that. Let's, uh, skip the other world part, though, when explaining you.”

I smiled and agreed. Apparently I was looking sleepy, because he patted me and told me to sleep. He took our dishes out of the tent and I was asleep pretty quickly afterwards.

\---

Baby started writhing in his sleep which had me leaping sleepily to get him out of the tent and to the bushes to catch the pee. Wouldn’t do to pee in Bull’s bed. Ugh. I turned back to the camp to see everyone staring at us. I recognized a few - Krem, Rocky, probably Skinner. Then I realized my boob was still out. _I HAVE SO MUCH DIGNITY._

I put it away. Grinned. “Hello! I’m Raia. This is Max. That’s my tit. The Iron Bull says I can stay with you guys for a bit, which means you’ll see a lot of boob. Not usually like that, though. Sorry.”

“Did you just run out for him to pee on a bush?” Krem looked amused.

“Yes. Yes, I did. I didn't pack appropriately for the situation I’m finding myself in. Don’t have enough diapers. And how the fuck would I wash and dry diapers here? So I’m mostly trying to avoid needing diapers. I figured a bush was more polite than The Iron Bull’s bed.”

“I appreciate that, yes,” grinned Bull. “Can you do that over a pot or something so you don’t have to rush out all night? You won’t get much sleep that way.”

“Truth. Yes. That’s how I did it at home. I think I might also make him a little pad to sleep on to try to keep him from wetting the bed if I miss some. I’m going to go get that set up.”

I went back to the tent and put him down again. He started cooing and smiling. I will keep him; he’s adorable. I got the changing pad out and wrapped his blanket around it. Worked. I put it by the bedroll and moved him to it.

“Your very own bed, little dude. Try not to shit on it, yeah?”

He farted.

“Oh, don’t you threaten me!” I laughed. This was going to be exhausting. I do actually do this at home, but I get to laze around the next day when I’m tired. And I usually give it up at the back end of the night and get a solid chunk of sleep. I also put him in disposables at night because the cloth diapers leak more easily. Oh well. I’ll figure it out. And he’ll grow up.

Bull came in with a chamber pot for us and I stuck it at the foot of Max's pad.

 

“If you’re comfortable with it, you can sleep in my bedroll with me. It’s a lot softer than the ground.” Bull was smiling at Max as he kicked and cooed.  
“That sounds good, thank you. I’ll try not to wake you up, but he’s going to nurse and pee so if you’re a light sleeper I apologize in advance.”

“We’ll figure something out,” He eyed me a bit. “All my clothes are wet, though. This place is awful. I usually hang them up to dry overnight and sleep without.”

“Eh, works. I never sleep in clothes. Nudity isn’t something I care much about on its own,” I shrug. “Doing massage, my job is to rub naked people, really, and before I did that I was a caregiver. I bathed people and changed adult diapers. Bodies are bodies. Wet clothes are miserable.” I grin and look up at him through my lashes, “You needn’t worry for your virtue, good sir, I will suppress my lecherous ways.”

He laughed. I really loved his laugh.

“I was very worried. I can sleep easy now,” He yawned. I nodded in agreement. Baby yowled.

I held him over the pot for a bit to be sure he was on empty to start the night - he peed. I put him in a cloth diaper and jammies. We moved the bed around a bit - Max by the back of the tent, then me and then Bull - so that Bull could quickly get out if needed.

I got Max settled before stripping down and hanging up all the wet clothes with Bull. Then I laid down to nurse the baby and get some sleep. Bull laid down, too. I was naked in bed with the Iron Bull. He puts off a lot of heat. Between him and Max, I was going to be hot. 

Max did the gassy wiggle, so I put a diaper over my hip and put him over it to burp. Then he nursed. Then he needed to burp. Then he needed to pee. And then nurse. And then burp. And then nurse to sleep. 

I let out a big sign when he was finally asleep and settled. Sometimes that little dance could last hours and would only resolve with a rocking chair. This was going to be really hard. 

“That was quite a dance. Like that every night?” Of course Bull was still awake.

“Or worse, yeah. Sometimes I can get him down solid and transferred, but not usually. And then usually I can get him nursed and/or peed without really waking him up, but not always. This can restart at any time. I usually end up in the rocking chair at bedtime, so we were really lucky.” I reached back and patted his belly over the blanket. “G’night, The Iron Bull.”

“Goodnight, Raia.”


	2. Chapter 2

I missed my recliner. 

Me and little dude were riding in the Charger’s wagon in the way to Haven. My back hurt. My butt hurt. I was extremely grateful that I at least had the carrier so I could strap him to me instead of holding him constantly. Because I had to hold him pretty much constantly and pay close attention to him so I could hastily hold him over the side of the wagon to spray forth his offerings unto the gods of the Hinterlands. 

I was tired of it. It was hard. It's exhausting to have a newborn in a modern house, but here? Fuck.

Also, it was hot. I didn't like the food. And the water made me nervous. I wanted to order a pizza and have some root beer. Have a cold shower and eat some ice cream. Sleep in a bed and wear clean clothes.

We were still sleeping with Bull at night. It was actually pretty cosy. We talked about the day and other light topics. A lot about babies and different child rearing practices. We talked food a lot. We’re for it. It was extra interesting because of the differences in animal and plant life between our worlds. 

The Chargers liked Max. They took turns holding him to give me little mini breaks. He was letting this happen more and more which I appreciated and intended to take advantage of very soon. Our camp that night was near a small waterfall. I was going to bathe. Glory be.

“Krem. My dearest love.”

He grinned at me. “Yes, darling?”

“There’s a waterfall. I need to wash us and our clothes. Will you help me?”

“Of course. We’ll get camp set up and all go down, just get your things together.”

\--  
It felt glorious. Me, my fat baby, and all my new friends were naked and relaxing in a beautiful cold stream on a hot day. Clothes were scrubbed and hanging to dry, bodies were scrubbed and clean. It was nice to be able to just really relax, because any mess the baby made didn’t matter at all. 

We compared scars and battle stories. They were impressed with mine and Max’s. He was born by c-section after an ultrasound found something wrong with his bowel. He'd not been moving and I went in for a check. He ended up needing bowel surgery at 6 days to remove 20cm of dead small intestine. It's a pretty good scar across his belly, and we were very lucky that he totally recovered.

Not that I told them that. Only Bull knew about my origins. I told them we'd both had surgeries that saved our lives.

Stitches and I had an interesting conversation about healing practices with me emphasizing cleanliness.

I got to see how very similar, really, all the different humanoid species of Thedas look naked. All proportional, nothing weird.

Bull winked when he caught me looking, but I just grinned and shrugged. Can't blame me!

\--

I heard a baby crying. We were traveling again, back in the wagon. We stopped and I saw Skinner head off towards the sound. She came back quickly, looking serious and whispered to Bull. 

“Shit. Hey, Raia? Can you come with us real quick?”

“Of course. Both of us?” I started getting down. He nodded. 

We found them just off the road, in some bushes, where she’d apparently dragged herself. A mama and her baby. The baby was crying, those panicked cries telling us that she’d been crying awhile. The mama, an elf with sweet blonde curling hair, was silently crying, clutching the baby with one arm. Her belly had been slashed open. There was no fixing that.

I handed Max to Bull and went to her.

“Mama. Mama, your baby is hungry, can I help you nurse her?”

She looked at me, taking a moment to focus. A few more tears. She nodded. I got her breast bared and, after a pause, got the baby naked. I made sure the baby was laying against her mama’s skin as she gratefully started nursing.

“Do you feel her, mama? Can you feel your baby?”

She was crying harder. Nodded.

This part might seem weird if you aren't a mom, but nursing my baby, especially with a lot of skin touching, is one of the best feelings in the world. I assumed she'd agree. She seemed to, curing into her baby as much as she could. 

I got up and got Max, bringing him over. “This is my son. He is a fat baby! I have lots of milk. I have enough for another. I can take care of your sweet girl. She will grow up fat, like him. And loved. And as safe as I can help her be. Is that okay?”

She grabbed my hand. I squeezed back.

“Lania.”

“Her name is Lania? That's beautiful. What's your name?”

“Senna.”

“Do you have family? What is her father's name?”

She was panting. Her voice was so weak.

“No. Hanin. Please.”

“I've got her, Senna. You saved her. You kept her safe. Little Lania will be loved. She'll have a sweet brother who will love her. She'll have a whole crew keeping her safe. We'll tell her about her parents, Senna and Hanin and how loved she was.”

Skinner was suddenly there, her hand over ours, looking intensely at Senna and nodding. Senna nodded back, relaxing. 

Lania stopped nursing so I pulled her up and put her silky cheek on her mama’s. There's nothing like a baby cheek to cheek with you, it's bliss. Senna smiled and leaned into it, breath coming a bit heavier for a minute. Then stopping. 

“Fuck.” 

I cuddled Lania close. “Okay. Hey, baby girl. I'm so sorry. Fuck.”

We were all crying.

Max, too. Loudly all of a sudden. Bull brought him to me and we switched babies.

“Hey, sweet boy. You got a sister.”

Skinner was looking at me as I nursed him.

“Sister?”

“I think they're called milk siblings? Babies nursed together? They're going to be pretty much twins at this point. She looks about his same age, yeah?”

“You're just.. you'll really just take her? An elf?”

“A baby. Unless my milk won't work for her? I assume it's really similar since we can interbreed.”

“No, that part is fine.” I liked her accent. And that she was looking at me with interest that wasn't at all threatening. This was new!

“Lania is a baby. Of course I'll take care of her. I'd take care of any baby. We're all people, no matter if we have round or pointy ears. Or horns,” I paused.

“Hey, Bull? Can you grab my bag?” He nodded and went to get it. Skinner left with him, and he returned without her.

“Bull. This part will seem creepy. Can you help me clean up Senna a bit? I want to take a picture of her for Lania. Not many orphans would get to really see their mom.”

He helped and we got her presentable. I took a few pictures - as much of her as I could get with her face but minimal blood. A sweet one with her and Lania cheek to cheek. I took one with her hands. I have my mother's hands. Maybe Lania will, too.

When we were done, both babies were hungry. It took a little help from Bull, but I got them both latched. Bull took a picture.

“I'm so glad I was here.”

He smiled. “I'm glad, too.”

They had set up her pyre by the time I went back to camp. I was once again nursing both babies after dinner when I felt brave enough to ask.

“Hey, Skinner? And Dalish? What should I do? I can nurse her and take care of her, but then? I assumed I could just keep her, but.. is that.. Should I? I don't have anyone or anything in this world. Just milk, really. Would she be happier with.. elves?”

“You'll be treated worse for it. For taking in an elf.” Skinner was looking grim.

“Well, fuck those people. I don't care about that. I just mean for her.”

“If we could find a Dalish clan, they'd take her, happily. She'd be safer there than in an Alienage,” Dalish hesitated, “but with humans who'll keep her safe, she'd probably be safer. The Herald is an elf. I think she'll be safe at Haven, and people won't dare make a fuss at you about it.”

“I'll do my best to keep her safe. Thank you.”

I looked down at my babies sleeping, both pillowed on my breasts, relaxed. Smiling with dreams.

“It'd be really hard to give her up. She's so precious.”

“I'm going to need a bigger tent soon!” Bull was grinning.

“You will. You're extremely popular!” I grinned, “though with all these babies, I'm starting to feel like you get a new catch phrase. Instead of ‘horns up!’ it's ‘tits out!’”

They all laughed.

“I wouldn't mind that one!” Rocky toasted me. 

\--

While Senna’s pyre burned, we all watched, quiet. I held her baby close, knowing how easy it'd be for me to be in that same situation. So grateful she was able to see her baby into the hands of people who could care for her. Who would love her.


	3. Chapter 3

By the time we got to Haven, I was a fucking mess. With two nursing babies, I was making enough milk that I was frequently leaking all over the place. The diaper issue had also been pretty intense, so I was pretty much just dripping with bodily fluids. I didn't get enough sleep. I was ravenous and had lost a very noticeable amount of weight.

The Chargers had done their best to help me, they were also sporting baby stains, but I was the only food. We'd gotten really close, though, in this rather intense time we'd been together. So I helped set up camp and went to sleep with the babies in Bull's tent without a second thought. It was home now.

I mostly stuck to the tent for several days, resting and enjoying the stability of being in one place. I got pretty good service, too, with my lovely Chargers bringing me food. My babies were sweet. Both having mastered rolling over from their backs to their bellies, they spent their awake time rolling around the bed and grinning up at me. 

I've just gotten them down for a nap when Bull peaked in. I grinned tiredly but he motioned for me to come out when he saw that I intended to join their nap.

“Krem will watch them for awhile. Come with me, I have a surprise for you.”

I followed him, curious. He showed me around Haven a bit, pointing out the tavern and then, to my great joy, the bathhouse.

“Bathhouse? Hot bath? With soap?”

Life just got so good.

“Yes. Also, I got you a new set of clothes. We can get yours washed.”

“Bull,” I burst into tears and hugged him. “You are everything that is good in the world. Thank you!”

He was my favorite. 

The baths had several different rooms with large wooden tubs in them, about the size of hot tubs. He joined me in my tub and we happily scrubbed each other until our skin was tender and there was no hint of baby on either of us. It felt amazing.

I pulled on my new clothes - a long skirt and a tunic - and we headed out of the baths. I heard my babies crying for me and we found Krem just outside holding Max. Solas, oddly, was holding Lania.

I paused briefly but then settled on the ground out of the way and undid my tunic. Krem brought Max first and I got him latched and then motioned to Solas to bring my baby girl. He hesitated and had a very strange facial expression but helped me get her settled, too. I thanked him.

“Krem! Have you been to the baths yet? Glorious place, I think I'm at least halfway back to being human now!”

“Yes! We all came this morning, but the Chief waited for you. He was excited to show you.” Krem grinned up at Bull and Bull rolled his eyes.

“I sleep with her, you know. You'd be excited, too, to have a chance of a night that doesn't smell like piss.”

“Oh, Bull. The romance. The charm. I can't take it, anymore, take me now!” I tried to swoon, but just managed to detach the babies, who voiced their displeasure.

Solas helped me get them settled again and then hesitantly traced Lania's sweet little ear and looks questioning at me. Bull introduced us to each other and told him about finding her, knowing I'd get too choked up. I did anyway and Krem helped wipe away my tears. 

“I'm impressed,” said Solas carefully. “Taking on another baby when you have so little is extremely kind. Especially when she's an elf and born of a stranger.”

“She was only a stranger until I met her. Now she's my baby.” I shrugged. “I don't have much, but she's loved by all the Chargers now. That's enough family for anyone!”

“Indeed.” 

He smiled at me and it reached his eyes.

\---  
I was drowning in babies. This was too much. Nursing two babies at home would have been hard but manageable. Two babies in medieval conditions during a refugee crisis while living in a tent? 

I started out with plenty of weight to lose, but I'd lost it. I was exhausted, I was fantasizing about diapers. I didn't know what to do, though. I promised a dying mother.

And then Skinner came to me, very serious. There was a new elf family just arrived and one of the young women had just lost her baby during a robbery in the way here. She still had milk.

I burst into tears. It's so horrifying, this place. So much death. 

I asked her to approach the mom, I wouldn't want to upset her if she wasn't up to adopting another baby. The thought of going back to only having one to take care of was very complicated. I loved Lania. I wanted to see her grow up. I also needed to admit my limits.

I was nursing Max and trading sweet smiles with Lania while she rolled around in a fur by the fire outside the Charger’s tent when Skinner returned with a scared looking woman. She had milk stains on her dress, still wet, so I figured she was the mama.

I greeted her with a big smile and indicated Lania with my chin.

“She is about to tell me she's hungry, if you'd like to nurse her. It's so painful when the milk builds up.”

She nodded and hesitantly sat near Lania. She loosened her top to be ready, but first sat and looked at her, smiling with tears in her eyes when Lania gave her that big angel baby smile.

“Isn't she perfect?” I smiled at them. “We're all madly in love with her. She's very sweet, very strong, and very quick to correct anyone who isn't serving her properly.” 

Lania started her little fussing sounds.

“Oh! First you should hold her by her knees over the tree, with her leaning against your belly. She'll pee. We didn't have diapers.”

She looked at me, startled, but quickly did it and Lania peed. 

Max unlatched to flirt and coo at me so I took a moment to return that while the woman got resettled and brought Lania to her breast. Lania was quick to latch. The woman started to cry quietly, and I took Max off to pee, giving her some privacy.

I got some water to make some tea for us before returning, setting the kettle on the fire but staying quiet.

“How old is she?”

“I'm not sure. She seems to be about my son's age, they're doing the same things, and he's about three and a half months now. Her name is Lania.”

I gave her all the details I knew and explained the circumstances of us finding her. She was as horrified as we were.

“And you just took her? An elf?”

“A baby. Of course I did.”

She looked at me, hard, for a bit and then nodded.

“My baby died a few days ago. I hope I have enough milk.”

“I can't even begin to say how sorry I am that you lost your baby. I cried when Skinner told me,” I hesitated. “You cannot ever replace a baby. Never for a minute. I talked to Skinner and Dalish about this when we first had her. I love Lania. I would absolutely raise her. I will continue nursing her if you need more milk, even just sometimes. I want to see her grow up. But. She's an elf. While that changes nothing about my feelings for, it means a lot in this world. I do not understand all the challenges she will face. I cannot properly prepare her for them. I do not know her mother's culture or values. These are things you know. And maybe having another baby will help your heart. So your arms aren't empty.”

She nodded. “This feels right. I.. yes.”

“Also, I'm drowning. And losing weight rapidly. Two babies on rations while living in a tent with no diapers is so hard!” I make a dramatic exhausted face.

She laughed.

“I'm Raia, by the way. And this is Max.”

“I'm Velania.”

I noticed Solas watching us and motioned him over. “Solas, this is Velania. She is in the inverse position as Lania.”

“I see. I am sorry.”

She nodded again, snuggling Lania close.

“Is she taking Lania, then?”

They both looked at me.

“I.. if she'd like. We're talking about it. I'm hoping she'll still bring her by frequently to let me love her up, though. I'll miss her terribly.”

“You look like you've lost weight since last we met.”

“Yes. That's the issue. I don't know that it's sustainable for me to have them both. Granted, they'll be able to eat soft foods soon, but I'm pretty wrecked.”

“I.. I would be honored. For Senna.”

“She looked a lot like you. A little bit narrower in the face, but very similar otherwise. Blue eyes, like Solas’. Her hair was wavy and just a bit lighter than Dalish's,” I smiled. “I think she'd be pleased. So many people loving her sweet baby, and a new mother who looks at her the way you do.”

Skinner smiled at us, “She's a Charger. Any one of us will be there in an instant if she needs us.”

“Absolutely. Especially Bull. We stay in his tent and he's been her father. A very attentive father.”

Vetania gaped, “The Qunari?”

“Yup. He does everything but nurse her. She adores him, too, lights up when she sees him. So you adopting her? Anyone around here giving any of you trouble, sic the 7 foot Qunari on them.”

She looked a bit overwhelmed but pleased; more secure. Solas looked like he approved. 

We were all smiling at each other when Lania stiffened and pooped all over her new mother's dress.

We all laughed.

“She's claimed you for her own!” I told her.

She burst into tears and hugged that baby tight.


	4. Chapter 4

It was much easier with just Max, though it felt very strange, I felt like I was forgetting something constantly. He was awake longer now and enjoyed rolling around and grabbing things. He wanted desperately to sit up, but couldn't quite manage it and got very frustrated.

I could put him in my ring sling and act like a functional person, though, which was nice. I'd been cutting bandages for the healers and helping deliver things around Haven. The sling attracted some attention and I'd talked to a few women about it. They usually just made slings with fabric, but the rings made it easy to adjust and metal rings were simple to make.

I'd delivered some potions to the Commander one night and Max started rooting. I settled on a rock near the Commander's tent and got him out to nurse. A great thing about being here is that no one gave you shit about nursing. 

I was making faces at Max while he ate when I heard some nearby soldiers talking. I heard something about ”the Charger’s whore” and I laughed under my breath. I listened more closely as they tried to decide who Max's father was - they're pretty sure it wasn't Bull and seemed to be leaning toward Krem or Grim. Not bad, they were both really handsome. Would do.

I was still grinning to myself when I saw feet approaching. I looked up and it was Cullen, looking at me with a strange facial expression. 

“Hello again, Commander!”

“Hello,” he nodded towards the soldiers who were talking, though they had started heading away, probably to their dinner. “That doesn't bother you? I heard you laughing.”

“Nah. Might as well live vicariously through my imaginary self! Grin and Krem are handsome and kind, I could do worse.” Max detached and cooed at me, as if agreeing. I got my clothes straightened. “I'm a non-combatant living with a mercenary group. I have an infant. It's a reasonable assumption.”

“But not the truth?”

“Nah. We were separated from his father just before I found the Chargers. They saved us, but I'm not having sex with any of them. I'm just sharing a tent with Bull because he had room.”

He nodded. “We do have tents, if you wanted your own. Though I doubt it'd do more than add to the rumors.”

I laughed. “Then poor Bull would get lots of comfort for his broken heart!” He grinned. “Naw. He's gone with the Herald a lot already. I get alone time. It's nice having him there, actually. Hard to feel afraid of anything with him nearby.”

“I can certainly see that! You're settling in alright? I heard you brought an elven baby but let her go to a mother who'd just lost her baby?”

“Goodness, I didn't realize that was worth gossip. Yes! They're doing really well. I am glad that I was there when we found her and her poor mother, so I could assure her mom that her baby was going to be taken care of. I'm also glad to have found such a wonderful mother to take her. It was a lot for me, I was really overwhelmed.”

He nodded and smiled, “And this is your son?”

“Yes, Max. He's doing really well here, too.”

Cullen was looking at him with longing. Hm.

“Want to hold him?”

“I.. yes, if you don't mind.” I handed him Max and he settled him on his shoulder. He was in simple clothes, pants and a tunic, much better than armor for baby snuggling. I watched him as he breathed deeply, relaxing more and leaning his cheek onto Max's head.

Oxytocin does a body good. Holding babies is wonderful.

“It's good to see babies. To remind us what we're fighting for.” His voice was soft.

“It is. Especially fat ones so you know you're providing well for your people.”

He smiled, “Yes, this baby is not lacking!”

We laughed. Max smacked the Commander of the Inquisition's forces in the face a few times. The manners on this kid!

“So this Breach..” I hesitated. “I hear everyone blaming the mages or the Templars, but that doesn't make sense to me.”

“No?” 

“No. It's too much. All people want is to live and be left alone. This? I don't see how you could accidentally do this.”

“Yes, it would have taken an incredible amount of magic.” He frowned and patted Max's back. He looked like a father. New rumors were going to start, I just knew it.

“I think someone wants chaos. Probably with people in all the different camps encouraging hatred and division.”

“It's very effective, if it's purposeful. We have to decide who to approach for help sealing the Breach,” he frowned. “We should be coming together, this threat is bigger than all of us.”

“I agree. Is there a reason you can't go to both groups? Even if you don't get them all, surely both groups will have some people willing to listen to reason.”

“The Herald is heading to the mages. She feels they'll be the most helpful.”

“Mm. And if someone is in the Templar camp, purposely stirring chaos, how do you think they'll react? They won't like it if you manage to get a group to help you. They won't like it when the Breach is closed.”

He eyed me. “You seem to know a lot about this.”

I laughed. “I have a lot of time on my hands and I tend to overthink things. I'm trying to keep my baby safe. This place isn't defensible and someone has already attacked, at the Conclave. What happens if they object to you sealing the Breach? If you assume it was actually on purpose, there will be retribution.”

“That makes sense, but why would it be the Templars you're worrying about?” He turned so I could see Max's face. “Is he asleep?”

“He is! Aww! Now we get to keep you until he wakes up.” He grinned. “The Templars are behaving strangely. The mages make sense. They had to leave their homes. Those that didn't get out were slaughtered. The ones who got out are still being slaughtered. They're just desperate to live, though it's harder since they've been locked up their whole lives and have no skills for surviving out of the towers.” He frowned but couldn't argue. “But the Templars? Why are they holed up? There are literally demons pouring from the sky. This is their thing, they're the best at dealing with demons. Where are they? They're holed up with a man who says he is the only person worth respect. It doesn't make sense. “

“No. You're right, it doesn't. The Templars do have reason to split with the Chantry, but to desert the people completely.. it's wrong.”

“It is.”

“I'll think on this. Thank you.”

“Anytime!” 

“I should get back to work. Do you want me to bring him to your tent to sleep?”

“That would be great. The fewer changes, the better the chance he'll stay asleep, thank you.”

“Of course.”

We walked back to my tent. I saw soldiers eying us.

“Now, if you want to do this right, you should stay in the tent with me awhile and leave looking cheerful “

“What..? Oh!” He noticed the looks now. “Maker's Breath, people are ridiculous.”

“They really are,” I shrugged. “Rumor Me is sure having a good time in Haven, though. So many handsome men, so little time!”

We were at the tent and he went in first. I indicated Max's pallet and he knee-crawled across the big bedroll to get him to it, laying him down carefully.  
“You're good at that.”

He leaned back in his heels and shook his head. “It's been a very long time since I've even held a baby. I did enjoy helping taking care of my baby sister, though. Feels like a different life, at this point.”

I sat by him. “Yeah, I guess no babies at the Circles. Such a strange life. And some of the Circles aren't near much else, so it'd feel like you're as imprisoned as the mages, yeah?”

“Yes.”

We both watched Max sleep for a minute.

“He's so peaceful. It's hard to imagine anyone able to feel so peaceful.”

I put my hand on his shoulder. “Only because he's safe here. I feel safe, so he feels safe. Everyone he's around loves him and they show him that the world is good. He's too little to know better.”

He covered my hand with his. “I'm glad you feel safe.”

We looked at each other. I smiled.

He kissed me, softly. 

“Thank you. I'm glad I spoke to you, you've given me some peace, which I sorely need.”

“I.. of course. Anytime.” Holy shit.

“I need to get back to work. Until later?”

“Yes! You know how to find us when you need to breathe in a baby.”

He kissed me again, lingering a little. I kissed him back and he inhaled sharply.

“Right. To work. Yes. Until later, Raia.”

I got to watch him bend to exit the tent. I was a fan of the view. 

That was very unexpected. 

Krem popped his head in a few minutes later. “What was that? Why was the Commander in your tent?”

“He uh.. Max fell asleep on him, he came to put him to bed.”

He eyed me.

“It made sense at the time!”

“And why was he blushing when he left?”

“Heh. He.. he kissed me, Krem.”

He laughed and joined me on the bedroll.

“You realize people think.. there are rumors..” he looked uncomfortable.

“That I'm the Charger’s whore, yes. That's actually why we started talking.” He looked appalled. “He heard me laughing at some soldiers who were debating if Max was yours or Grim's.”

“What? He's obviously mine, look how handsome he is!”

We laughed. 

“Alright, you've claimed him, he's yours now. You can come help at night when Bull's out!”

“Oh,” he frowned. “Do you need help? At night?”

“Naw, we've got it down these days. I do like having someone here, though. Makes me feel safer. You don't need to worry about it. You guys can hear me if I need something.”

“Hopefully. Though with the rumors and the Commander leaving your tent looking flustered.. someone might come to you when the Chief is out, thinking it's okay.”

“Oh. Right. That's..” I sighed.

“It doesn't have to be me, but it does seem like it's be a good idea to have someone.”

“Yes. That…” My mind went blank. “Krem.”

“Yes?”

“The Commander of the Inquisition's forces kissed me. Twice. It was really sweet. And he blushed. And he likes my baby.”

“Yeah, that's..”He paused.

“Right? What the hell. I'm.. is that a thing he does? Because I haven't heard any rumors.”

“I haven't either. Not one.”

“Huh.”

“Quite.”

We stared at each other.

“It's because I'm amazingly sexy now that only one baby pees on me, isn't it? Admit it, you're struggling to resist me right now.”

He leered. “You know it.”

Then he grabbed me dramatically and kissed me senseless.

I cheerfully encouraged it. We started it to be silly, but then it turned out to be really good.

A bit later, we were laying on the bedroll panting a bit, cuddled together with my head on his chest.

“Well.”

“Yes, quite.”

“So the Commander..”

“Yeah, I'm having a pretty fantastic day. A Commander and a Lieutenant.”

He laughed. 

“Going for the Herald next?”

“Hey, I'm just living the dream. You guys started it. I'm just smart enough to go with it when beautiful men kiss me.”

He coughed awkwardly.

I kissed his chin. “You are, you know. One of the best looking men around here.”

“Thank you. I think you're amazing.”

“What? I'm barely functional.”

“You are, though. And you saved Lania's life when a lot of people wouldn't have. Even when people could see it was wrecking you, you never complained or even thought of stopping.”

I sat up, upset. “She's a baby! Of course I took care of her!”

“She's an elf. There is no ‘of course.’ A great number of people would have killed her and called it mercy.”

I was appalled.

He grinned. “Exactly. You wrecked yourself loving a baby who isn't worth anything to most humans. And when you found her another mom, you didn't just pass her off gratefully, you visit every day. You still nurse her.”

“I.. it never crossed my mind to do anything else.”

“I know. And then you somehow got the very uptight Commander to kiss you in your tent.”

“I think it was Max, actually. He got so peaceful holding him. And then he put him to bed and we're both in here.. it felt very intimate.”

“Apparently!”

I swatted him. “Shush you. You can't talk, you kissed me a lot more than he did.”

He looked smug. “I sure did.”

I rolled my eyes.

“Have you and the Chief..?”

“Ha! No. Though of course everyone thinks it.”

“You've slept in his tent for more than a month now.”

“Yes. It's very kind of him.” I nudged him. “I wouldn't turn him down.”

“Him, too? Goodness woman! Who would you turn down?”

“Hey, it's the end of the world! Don't judge me. You'd have to be crazy to turn down the Commander. Or you. Or Bull.”

“Hmm, but now what?”

“I.. don't know. I don't want to hurt either of you, of course.”

“I appreciate that. I'm fine. I can do causal with friends.”

I bit his neck.

“You're the best kind of friend, Krem.”

He agreed and kissed me again.


	5. Chapter 5

The next day, I left Max with the Chargers after breakfast and took a little walk. Not far, but I was feeling a bit overwhelmed with everything and Max could do without me for short periods. 

Also, I had a song in my head and I wasn’t quite ready to sing in front of everyone.

“No time to rest, no pillow for my head..”

I found a little nook in one of the rock outcroppings and snuggled in, watching a few nugs run around.

“Meet me in the battlefield, even in the darkest night, I will be your sword and shield, your camouflage, and you will be mine.  
Echos and the shots ring out, we may be the first to fall, everything can stay the same or we can change it all..”

The song was ever so slightly out of my range, so I belted the high parts to try to reach them. 

I finished it a third time and got up to head back.

And then stopped. Cullen was sitting on the outcropping, watching the nugs, looking thoughtful.

“Uh,” I was eloquence incarnate.

He smiled. “That was lovely. I haven't heard that song before.”

“No,” I fidgeted.

“I hope we can,” I blinked at him. “Uh, change things, I mean.”

“Yes. I think we have to. Everything's a mess.”

“Yes.”

Well, this wasn't awkward at all.

“I spoke with the other advisors. We're going to send a unit to watch the Templars. Maybe make contact. We'll at least be able to watch if they react poorly to our alliance with the mages.”

I smiled. “I'm so glad. I appreciate you taking my worries so seriously.”

He smiled back and started to step towards me, but then looked awkward.

“I was heading back. Max tolerates me leaving for a little bit, but this likely about his limit.”

“Ah, yes. I'll go with you. You really shouldn't be out here alone. Nowhere is completely safe.”

“You're right. Thank you,” I looked at him wryly. “I had that song in my head and wanted some privacy to sing it a bit. Didn't want to sing in front of people.”

He laughed.

We walked back to the Chargers and Max was just starting to be fussy when we got there. Krem was looking at me and Cullen, very amused and I rolled my eyes at him, settling down to nurse.

“Join us, Commander?” Krem offered him a mug of their usual brew.

“I.. yes. Thank you,” he accepted and sat near me. 

“So what were you two up to?” Krem was a menace. 

“Yeah, I thought she was having alone time,” Stitches was also a menace.

“Oh, I thought I was! I burrowed into a little cave, watching some nugs, but apparently gained a companion while I was there. He was sitting on the rocks when I came out.”

“Uh-huh.”

I made a face at them. A mature face, full of dignity.

“I heard singing,” Cullen cut in. “I was having some quiet time myself, heard singing and was curious. I didn't actually know who it was, I didn't want to intrude, so I sat where she wouldn't see me.”

“Singing?” Krem was bemused. “I didn't know you sang.”

“Doesn't everyone sing? We all know Grim sneaks off to sing in the middle of the night,” I gestured at him. “His song tames the animals. That's why there are so many here, even with the Breach so close.”

Grim nodded once, solemn. 

“And yours was certainly working on those nugs,” Cullen said to me. Charmer.

I batted my eyes. Max finished nursing.

“He'll want to sleep, Cullen. Want to hold him for awhile? You're looking tense.”

“Yes, thank you,” he took the baby, careful since he was wearing his full armor. Max got nestled into the fir on his cloak, face against Cullen's neck. “I actually need to meet with Liliana, do you mind if I take him?”

“That sounds good! I'm going to go check with Seggrit, to see if he got in more fabric. I'm hoping so and then I'll be cutting diapers!”

\--

Seggrit did have the fabric. I had a dozen diapers. Krem, Stitches, and Dalish helped me hem them. My life got much easier.

\---

I was feeling better now. I had diapers, I could concentrate on something. I had a plan. 

I screwed up my courage and went to see Leliana. Apparently she was the seneschal, which meant she was in charge of servants and the running of things. 

She saw me hesitating outside her tent and motioned me in. “Did you need something?”

I nodded. “Yes. I didn't know who to talk to, but I wanted to help with the emergency preparations for the village.”

“Emergency preparations?”

I frowned. “I.. guess I just assumed. With so many people here, I thought there would be a plan and supplies ready for if something happened.”

She tilted her head. “Something like what?”

I just blinked for a second. “Um. Like.. a fire or an avalanche? A blizzard that was too big for people in tents? Or if something happened with the Breach or.. more demons? The mage and Templar war… there's a million things..”

“I see. And what would you like to do?”

“I.. thought I'd get directed, honestly.”

“We have been very busy just maintaining and building.”

“I understand. I guess.. I'd.. ideally, there'd be supplies packed and ready. Food, medical supplies, tents. Maybe important documents or lists of orders,” she narrowed her eyes. “So that if there was an emergency, like the Conclave, here would be a clear next step and easier regrouping.”

“I see.”

“And then.. maybe asking people to have 3 days worth of supplies ready to grab themselves. And some emergency plans practiced. There'd need to be several, depending on the issue. Fire is different than, say, a dragon attack.”

“Dragon?”

I grinned. “I hear you personally fought one here with the Hero of Fereldon.”

She laughed. “I did indeed. This seems sensible. Do you think you could organize it?”

“I.. yes?” I thought for a second. “With so many groups going out, you'll have supplies for them, anyway. If we could just have them ready and inventoried, that'd go a long way towards being ready. I can ask around to get numbers and estimates of needs for, say, 3 days. People can take the older supplies first as they go out and they can be restocked quickly to keep a steady supply available. In the Chantry would likely be best, it's the strongest building. Then we can let people know they should have packs ready where they're staying with 3 days of supplies and anything important to them do that they can quickly grab and go in an emergency.”

“Yes. That sounds good. Go talk to Threnn about tents, those are hard to pack quickly in an emergency. We should get a supply ready with the rest of the supplies. Thank you.”

“Thank you, my lady. I will do my best.”

She smiled. “I expect so. You are with the Chargers, yes?”

“Yes. I'm Raia and this is Max,” I turned to show her his little sleeping face.

“People think well of you.”

I blinked. “Oh? That's good! I feel like I've mostly just been in Babyland.”

She hummed. “Yes. Well, do let me know if you have trouble.”

“Yes, ma'am. Thank you.” I bowed and headed over to talk to Threnn about tents and storage, feeling relieved. That went well, I think. Really, it was strange this hadn't already been started. Coming out of the disaster of the Conclave, surely it was logical to try to be prepared for the next blow.

\--

My anxiety levels were high. I was in the tent singing to Max while he practiced rolling (much frustration and yelling on his part, but he was getting better) when Cullen poked his head in.

“Hello, Commander! Do you need us?”

“I was hoping to come sit for a moment.”

“Of course! Come in, get cosy.”

“Thank you,” he came in and sat on the other side of Max. He was out of armor again and looked exhausted. He blew out a big breath and relaxed, smiling at Max who was very excited to see him.

“He likes you.”

“I like him, too,” he grinned at me. “It's amazing how much this helps.”

“I'm glad something does.”

He barked out a laugh, “Yes, so am I!”

He rubbed at the back of neck.

“Headache?”

“Yes. Can't seem to shake it these days.”

“I could rub your neck and shoulders. It can't hurt and will probably help.” 

He agreed and we got him settled, laying with his head on my crossed legs. Not ideal, but the best way to keep him relaxed while I dug in.

It didn’t take long until his breathing started evening out and he started snoring softly. I smiled down at him. Poor exhausted man.

Of course, now I was a bit stuck. I carefully used my hands to brace his head while I (gracefully) got my legs out from under him. He frowned a bit, so I scratched my fingers in circles on his scalp, pulling his hair gently. He settled.

I would have, too. I wanted my turn. Alas. I covered him up and took Max out, so he could get some rest.

I came out to a group of amused Chargers. “Oh, for-! Really? You guys don’t have anything better to do?”

They laughed at me.

“He just wanted a break. Max relaxes him. Babies are like that.”

Krem smirked, “Uh-huh. And right now?”

“He had a headache. I rubbed his neck until he fell asleep.” I rolled my eyes. “Fully clothed, even! I’m beginning to see where all those rumors started.”

They’re still amused.

I ducked back into the tent, grabbing my bathing stuff bundle thinking to head to the baths with Max. Got to bathe while I could, this place might be buried within the week.

Krem stopped me before I got very far.

“Raia! I'm going to cut my hair, it looks like yours needs done, too. Want me to do it? It'd be better to do before your bath so you can rinse after.”

“Yes! Please, that'd be great!”

I go back to the camp and hand Max off to Rocky.

I really liked my hair, but I hadn't had the energy to care about maintenance. It was pretty much cut in a mohawk, with both sides buzzed. The middle part was over two feet long, and dyed red. I never spiked it up and it was thick enough that when down it looked like I had a full head of hair.

Krem carefully shaved the sides of my head with a dagger. If that wasn't a trust exercise I didn't know what was and I missed my clippers. Still, it felt good and there was no blood, so I thanked him with a deep curtsey and a loud kiss on the check.

I waited for him to go to the baths with me. Might as well have an extra set of hands with Max and he'd want to rinse off after a cut, too. Skinner did his hair. I liked her very much but no way would I be that brave.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song is SVRCina "Battlefield"


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning that there's some masturbating in this one. She rather insisted. Can't say I blame her.  
> Brief.

Turned out most people kept their belongings together already. Life of the refugee, I suppose. Still, I had fun talks with people around the village as we discussed my ideas for Emergency Preparedness Kits. Threnn helped people get supplies they didn't have before, too, as she could. 

We, most importantly to me, had a supply cache with tents, potions, and travel food in the Chantry. Agents were enjoying the ease of this, too, when heading out in missions, and the organizing and preparation people were enjoying the ease of supply tracking.

Cullen was planning different emergency evacuation drills and I decided to try to get the the secret route from Roderick before he was bleeding out.

I got Max in a clean diaper after he nursed so that he'd be in a good mood and popped him in my sling. We headed to the Chantry. Just outside, I spotted him.

Putting on a big smile, I went to him. “Excuse me. My name is Raia and I'm working on the emergency preparedness plans for the village. I was wondering, do you know who here knows the area best? I know some Chantry people probably have spent quite a lot of time here, before.. everything.”

He pursed his lips. “Emergency preparedness?”

“Yes. We have a large group of people here -soldiers, sure, but also refugees and children. With all the.. well, everything.. I just thought planning ahead would be helpful. Planning ahead and thinking through things brings a sense of security, giving the feeling of at least a small amount of control. Commander Cullen is looking at evacuation plans and we were wondering if there were ways we might not know of.”

He nodded and spent a moment thinking. “You know, I think it might be me. I went on the spring pilgrimage. Everyone else.. well. Aside from the obvious paths, there's another that I don't believe other people have taken.”

I grinned. “That wonderful! I'm so glad I found you. Will you show Cullen or Leliana?”

“Show me what?” Leliana was standing behind me, arms crossed, curious expression. 

I laughed. “Chancellor Roderick knows of a path that you might not.”

Max started fussing.

“And that's my cue. I feel very good about this!”

We said our goodbyes and I headed back to change Max's diaper.

Fuck yeah. All the pieces are in place, hopefully we get at least one run through of an evacuation drill before the Breach gets sealed. 

\---

I'd nursed Max to sleep and was in bed relaxing. I'd visited Cullen after dinner, ostensibly to discuss evacuation drills, but honestly we mostly made out. My body was quite disappointed that we'd been interrupted by an amused Krem bringing me my hungry baby.

Now that the baby was satisfied.. well. My turn.

I closed my eyes and thought back to how things should have gone this evening, pretending my hands were Cullen's.

Right as I hit orgasm, the tent flaps opened and Bull popped his head in. I held up a finger telling him to wait as I worked myself through it. Not that this took long, I wasn't drawing it out, but damn it it took effort to get there without my vibrator and I knew he didn't care.

That done I waved him in and curled up happily, wiping my hands on my baby mess towel. 

“Hey, Bull. Welcome home!”

He laughed and crawled into bed. “Quite the welcome! Missed me?”

“Mm. 'M sleepy now. You good?”

“Yeah, I'm good. We got the mages. How's my little family?”

“Good! He's more alert these days. Rolling around quite a lot. The addition of diapers has been brilliant so I'm far more rested.”

Bull frowned. “It's strange only having one baby in here. Krem’s kept me up-to-date with everything - I like your emergency planning, I'd like to talk more about that later - but that was hard to get in a letter. How is she?”

I touched his face. “She's so good, Bull. I'll take you to see her tomorrow. She's so happy and so loved. And I'm doing so much better now.”

He pulled me closed and kissed the top of my head. “Good.”

I snuggled close and hugged him tight, but then the baby started rooting and I rolled over to nurse.

“I'm so glad you're back, Bull. So much has happened.”

“Yeah, that's what I hear. Cullen, huh?”

“Mmmmmmhm.”

He laughed. “It's good to be back. We'll talk tomorrow.  
\---

The next day was really busy and we didn't get much of a chance to talk. I was working with Threnn and, oddly, Chancellor Roderick, going over plans and supplies before we attempted to close the Breach. No one was sure what would happen, but making and checking endless lists helped those of us who couldn't do anything else.

After that, I went to Seggrit to buy a little bit more fabric. They were giving me a little money for my work and I needed a new baby carrier. I cut two long strips of fabric, wide enough to cover Max from shoulders to knees, even if he grows a bit. I can tie him on my back this way, the first tied on my chest, the second under my breasts. He's very secure, and I don't have anything pulling on my neck. I didn't bother hemming, I could do that in the evening. I cut the cloth right at Seggrit’s booth and had him help me get Max on my back and then headed off to see my baby girl.

I found Velania in the kitchens and she was very cheerful for me to take Lania for awhile. One baby on my back and one in my arms, I was greeted with many sweet smiles as I headed down to Bull.

“Is that my sweet baby girl?” Bull gently took her from me and peppered her face with kisses. She grinned and smacked his face happily.

“Velania is in the kitchens today so she was happy to have me take her for a bit. I think the drills will start soon, we'll return her then.”

He nodded and then, with great focus, got acquainted with his babies again, noting how much they'd grown and the things they were doing now he hadn't seen before.

When the horn blew, we headed to the Chantry together, as we had been instructed. It took awhile for the rest of the people to trickle in. After the scouts reported in that the noncombatants were all here, Cullen gave a quick rundown on how things should go in a real emergency. They should go faster, for one. 

“Pay attention to what delayed you. If you were going for your bags, keep them with you. If you realized you hadn't packed something important to you, pack it. If that bell rings, your only focus should be gathering children and getting here. Things can be replaced, you cannot. Thank you.”

Cullen smiled at me when he saw me, but was too busy to talk.

I raised my voice. “Can I have your attention for a minute?”

People quieted. 

“I wanted to offer a few things. One - after they close the Breach, there will be celebration-” they cheer “but some people, especially with children, might want to be away from that. You may bring your beds and such, and we can celebrate more quietly in here. Also, if you want to bring your packs here, I'm happy to talk more about ideas for balancing having what you need with ease of transport. Thank you!”

\---

And then we waited. The mages followed the Herald and the Breach was closed.

I'm sure the cheer that went to could be heard for miles. 

I pulled Bull aside. 

“I know we mostly ignore some things about me.” He nodded. “Be ready to evacuate tonight. You guys can pack up your stuff and leave it in the Chantry. As examples for different ways to carry packs and tents with bedding in a rush, if anyone asks. Hopefully the families with kids will choose to be there tonight.”

He looked at me for a bit. “You said you knew about Thedas because of the rifts, not that you knew the future.”

“There really is no way to know the future. There are endless possibilities, with some events that are more probable than others. We closed the Breach. The one who made it will retaliate. I have no idea how to avoid that, so I tried to be sure people were prepared instead. I know that this is survivable, where I don't know if another place or plan would be. And this is needed, to set up for the next bit. Sometimes you need to get knocked down to solidify. But, ideally, with the fewest possible losses.”

He watched my face for a bit again then kissed my forehead and the top of Max's hair. “I understand. We'll be ready.”

\---

Most of the families did choose to come to the Chantry, some saying that others would come when it was dark and the drinking was heavier. I noticed most of the village elves came as well, children or not. Drunk humans are dangerous and no elven woman wants to be near drunk human men who are bent on celebrating.

True to his word, Bull and the Chargers came up with their supplies fully packed. People were really interested, and listened while each Charger explained their packing, and how they divided up shared supplies among the group. They left their packs so people could look compare as they redid their own.

We had food, drink, and much merriment. Children were running around playing and laughing. There was singing and dancing. People were chatting about the future.

My anxiety was just too high for me to join in.

I was sitting out of the way a bit, watching people, nursing Max when the bells started to ring. It took them some time to realize what it meant, people slowly losing smiles and stilling. Then a runner burst in.

“We're under attack. Evacuation likely. Gather here and await orders.”

People started to panic, but then realized they had their belongings and their loved ones here already. For the most part. A few slipped out quickly to gather their packs. Some returning quickly, empty handed, some returning with their things. Some not returning.

The rest of the village crowded in as well. Some injured, but most okay. Most with their packs.

When the evacuation order came down, we loaded the shelves of supplies into the wagons that were waiting and filed out.

The Chargers were with us, helping people along, but Bull wasn't with them.

I registered everything in still shots. Faces, bodies, flickering lights. The feel of Max on my back. Velania and Lania nearby. People looking at me, so many people looking at me. Patting me. Thanking me.

Because of me, they were ready.

We marched into the night, into the snow, into the unknown. Waiting for an ancient Elvhen rebel not-god to show us the way home.


	7. Chapter 7

Cullen came to our fire the night after the Herald found us, looking wild. He looked at me imploringly and I nodded, handing Max to Krem and going with him.  
He took me just out of the camp, to some trees, moving restlessly. I just waited, to see what he needed.  
He turned and pulled me against him, kissing me with a startling intensity. I wrapped my arms around his neck and returned it as he walked me back, against a tree.Then he was pulling up my skirt roughly, pulling my thigh up around his hip and scrambling with the ties on his breaches.  
It was quick, hard, and when it was over we stood panting into each other’s necks.  
His hands were shaking as he fastened his pants and my knees were weak as I watched. My thighs were slick and I felt fluid dripping down the insides of my legs. He laughed a bit hysterically when I did a quick wipe down of myself with a handful of snow.  
I grinned.  
We kissed again, gently, before heading back to camp, him going to speak with Cassandra, me following Max’s cries.  
Bull smirked at me as I settled to nurse and I just grinned and shrugged. “Like you wouldn’t have.”  
He laughed. “Oh, no, I absolutely would. Someone needed to, he was a mess.”  
I nodded and kissed Max’s forehead.  
Bull frowned. “Do you have.. I haven’t seen you drinking any of the tea.”  
“Tea…” I frowned. “.. contraception?” “Yeah. Do you have a different method?”  
“Oh. Yeah. Honestly, the nursing is pretty good for preventing, but I’m also fixed.”  
“Fixed?” Krem asked, and I realized I suddenly have the attention of the Chargers around me.  
“Uh. Yeah. When Max was cut out. They told me I wouldn't be able to have any more babies.” I was not interested in explaining tubal ligation.  
“That's sad, but convenient in this case,” said Bull.  
I nodded. I had no interest in having babies in Thedas.  
\---  
Skyhold was enormous, but not in great shape. The Chargers stayed in their tents and I stayed with Bull. Most people lost their tents in the escape, so people with tents weren't prioritized for housing.  
Everyone was hard at work getting things habitable. I had the Chargers help get the little courtyard garden cleaned up, and offered to watch little kids while parents were busy. I mostly kept Max on my back for this, because there were some two year olds that seemed bent on maiming themselves and I had to be very mobile to keep them more or less intact. Little fuc-darlings.  
We had a pretty good little set up with a small collection of chamber pots in a small room that was likely a storage shed before it lost its door and roof. Worked well for kids, anyway. I kept a pile of diapers in there, too, for Max, Lania, and whoever else might need them. We had a bit of a diaper service started, with everyone pooling the supply and taking turns laundering them. It was pretty great.  
I wasn't watching them alone, different moms cycled through as they had time, and Chantry people brought us lunch (the better to keep us out of the way during the busy mealtimes in the hall), but I was organizing it, and was doing the most watching. It was nice, we were building community in a way that hadn't happened at Haven.  
I hadn't really seen Cullen since we got here, but he wandered in one day a few weeks after the Inquisitor was.. given the giant sword? Elected? Anyway, it was a great moment with me trying to convince little Agatha to get down from her perch on the well… bucket bar thing. She was hanging upside and singing a song about dogs. The well cover was currently missing, so if she fell it would be very bad.  
Cullen just calmly walked over, picked her up and tossed her over his shoulder. Things I couldn't currently do since I had Max strapped to my back, Lania strapped to my front and Rohan wrapped around my leg, sobbing about frogs.  
“Thank you,” I said with a level of reference normally reserved for holy figures. He laughed.  
“You certainly have your hands full.”  
As I nodded, the other mom that was helping, Rose, came out of the toilet shed with her son.  
“There are usually more of us, but apparently there are important people coming soon, so everyone is too busy. The Chantry women will be here soon with food, and they generally help for awhile after that.”  
Agatha was chanting that she'd be good, so he put her down. She ran for the bushes and hid.  
“Are you settling in okay? Still with the Chargers?”  
“Mm, yeah. We had our tents, so we're low on the lists for getting rooms. It's okay. This place is nice. We're getting a nice system for young child care. So much of the castle us unsafe for these guys, but this area is working nicely. And the working moms appreciate knowing the kids are out of the way but safe and fed.”  
He looked around the garden, counting kids. A few more moms had wandered in with their littles. There was much digging in the dirt going on in one corner, and Lily was still sleeping under one of the benches. Agatha was now a dragon, it seemed, jumping off benches over and over with great roars.  
Max suddenly woke up and started rooting. “Ah. Can you take Lania for a little bit? He's going to cry if I don't feed him.”  
Some hasty unwrapping and baby juggling and I was sitting in the grass nursing. Then, of course Lania wanted her share so we got it set up for me to nurse them both.  
“How about you, Commander? Settling in? Are you doing well?”  
He passed a hand over his face and looked tired. “There's so much to do. We're getting many new people in, I'm sure you know. Training is going well, though they're mostly green. The castle is getting cleaned up quickly, at least. We got a dormitory ready for a bunch of the soldiers today. Should be a few more in the next few days. The carpenters could work through the night and still not catch up to the demands anytime soon. I just.. we're in progress and getting our legs back. We can't let that happen again like it happened in Haven. I have to do better.”  
I wish I had a free hand to comfort him with. “Oh, Cullen. Haven would never have been a match for that force. We did very well for the situation. We'd prepared, we got out with surprisingly few deaths. We were attacked by forces way outside anyone's experience. And a dragon. There's not much ’better’ that you could have done. Except..”  
He eyed me.  
“Well. Except maybe start breeding your own dragons. We could have an airborne regiment and a calvary!”  
He laughed. “You have been around Bull too long, I see.”  
I laughed. Max finished nursed and rolled over to flirt with Cullen, who scooped him up happily.  
“I've missed this.” He snuggled Max close, kissing his head. I covered up and moved Lania to burp.  
“He's missed you, too. Don't be a stranger. I'm here every day, I don't have another job yet.”  
He nodded.  
I strapped Lania back on and went back to actively watching the kids while he played with Max, soaking up the sweet baby smiles and oxytocin.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments soothe my anxiety.

The Chargers were finally assigned rooms in a section of the castle near the Herald’s Rest. There was a bit of awkward confusion when Krem asked where my room was, as it was assumed by the organizers that I would stay with Bull. There were no rooms for people not employed by the Inquisition. Seemed reasonable. Bull was still out with the Inquisitor anyway, so I just settled into his room and set up our things. They didn't have a bed frame large enough for Bull, but they did provide a giant straw bed. Suited Max and I quite well, as I didn't worry he'd roll off the bed and break his neck. It was annoyingly pokey, but there was nothing to be done about that.

It's impossible to put into words how much easier life was in an actual room with walls and doors. I set up a little potty/washing area next to the bed - chamber pot on the floor, large jug of water, the small wash basin, our diapers, towels, and Max's clothes set up neatly on a small table. 

He got to scooch around and explore everything but the area around the fire. 

There were some pegs on one wall and a small dresser. I very happily turned a small desk into a kitchenette where I could keep a few snacks and dishes. We had a small pot for cooking over the fire and a kettle.

I felt very domestic. Max had, of course, outgrown all the clothes we brought with us, but Krem had helped me make some new stuff for him, more practical for this world. Baby gowns, long thick socks, and a few undershirts that overlapped and tied in the front - perfect for crawling around at home and adjustable so he'd be able to wear them a long time.

I also had my own very Fereldon-style clothes. Two shifts, stays, a few petticoats, the overdress, and a warm cloak. I was learning how to knit stockings from Velania but my attempts were pretty pathetic so far.

It was good now. I had friends, a nice community. I had a safe home, where I could relax by the fire and let Max do his thing. I didn't see Cullen much, as he was very busy, but we nodded in passing.

It was okay. Krem was always good for a cuddle if I got lonely, though he was getting increasingly mushy over Maryden.

I just needed Bull to come back. 

 

\--

I'd finally gotten Max to sleep and was giving myself a quick wash before joining him when the door burst open and Bull came in, supported by Krem on one side and Cullen on the other. 

The noise, naturally, woke the baby and I quickly joined him in bed to try to nurse him back to sleep before he fully woke up. Also, I was naked, so bed seemed the best place to be with three men in the room and the door open to the lovely weather of the Frostbacks.

Cullen looked startled to see me, and Krem winced. “Sorry, Raia. The Chief got hurt and needed some help. I was hoping you'd still be awake.”

“I understand. Is he okay?”

They got him settled on the big chair by the fire. “I'll be fine. I just need a potion and some rest.”

Max, having heard Bull's voice, quickly woke up and started trying to crawl over me to get to him, crying out in a tone he only used for Bull. I sighed.

He was 6 months old now and pretty quick, so he got himself over me, dove face first off the bed, and army crawled across the floor to Bull with impressive speed. Krem lifted him up so Bull didn't have to bend.

“How's my boy?”

“He's good! Just about ready for proper crawling, I think. And he pulls up to stand as often as he can. He can walk around things, if he holds on. He's missed you.”

“I've missed him, too.”

Cullen looked awkward, and nodded to Bull and then in my vague location. “I have things to see to. Goodnight.”

“Goodnight, Cullen.” I frowned.

Krem coughed after Cullen was gone. “Did he not know where you were sleeping?”

“I honestly don't know. We've barely seen him since getting to Skyhold.”

“I guess knowing you share a tent with Bull doesn't translate to thinking you'll still share once there are rooms. Especially with one bed.”

“Well, there's not really an option. And it's not like he's expressing any interest in.. anything.”

Bull paused in his loud belly kisses, “His loss. This room looks good!”

“It's endlessly better than a tent for sure.” I got up and put on my shift. “You want me to put the kettle on for tea? I've got some apples here, too. And some bread.”

Krem said goodnight and headed out while I got Bull fed, watered, and ready for bed. Max was really tired, so he quickly cuddled up on Bull's chest and went back to sleep.

“I've missed this. He's getting so big.”

“He is. It's good here. We've got a nice community of families. He's happy and I'm learning how to do things here. Be prepared for a lot of ugly socks, I'm learning to knit.”

He laughs, content. “That sounds perfect. Ugly socks are always warmest.”

I strip off the shift again (it makes nursing in bed harder), and curl up against Bull's side. He wraps an arm around me, holding me close.

“So. Cullen.”

I groan. “I don't know! He's genuinely swamped with work these days. He's visited with us once and it was nice, and we greet each other, but that's been it. And tonight was super awkward. We've never talked about any type of anything, but with all the kissing, and then the sex, I admit I thought.. something. Though I guess me living with another man makes things weird. But I don't get paid for anything I do, I don't see that I have much option.” I laughed. “Well. I mean, probably I don't have to sleep naked with you, but I like sleeping with you and I get to do what I want.”

“You absolutely do. You haven't done anything wrong. Even in his culture, he'd have to ask to assume any claim, especially with you staying with me from the start, and him not passing time with you.”

“Okay, good. Cultural differences get confusing.”

I crawled up and kissed him softly on the cheek. “Get some sleep Bull. He's teething so nights are less restful than you'll want.”

He hummed and moved his face up to kiss me, but missed my cheek and caught the corner of my mouth. We both paused like that, lips touching, sharing breath. I sighed against his mouth, settling in for more. It was good, kissing Bull. Tongues sliding together, gentle brushing of lips, breath starting to come faster. 

Max stirred in his sleep, making us both pause and look at him. We grinned at each other.

“Well.” Bull patted Max until he settled.

“Well indeed. Welcome home, Bull. It's really good to have you back.”

“Mm. It's good to be back. Get some sleep, I'll be around for awhile.”


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two of you commented and it made me so happy this just poured out. Thank you. <3

If my last meeting with Cullen was awkward, that had nothing on my first meeting with Dorian.

Bull was laying on his back in bed. I was using his forearm as a pillow as I nursed Max between us. It was late, we were all set for bed, so we were naked, talking by the light of the fire.

We figured it'd be Krem, as it often was, so Bull called out for whoever was knocking without much thought.

The door opened and in came the Scion of House Pavus, looking drunk and a little teary.

“Alright! It's time for you to…” He blinked and his face crumpled, looking at us. “Really, Bull? All that talk of conquering and-- I should have known.”

My natural reaction was to leap up and hug him tight, but that wouldn't be helpful right now.

“Dorian. It isn't what you think.” Bull sat up, which interested Max so he also sat up and started trying to climb Bull. I reached for my shift and pulled it on.

“You mean you aren't naked in bed with a woman and a baby, like a happy little family?”

I smiled. “Well, we are that, but that has nothing to do with conquering. Please, come in. Sit.”

Bull pulled on his pants and scooped Max up.

“Most people know about Raia and Max, I thought you would know. I'm sorry that you found out this way.”

Dorian sat, carefully. “Know what, exactly?”

“The Changers saved us, just before they joined the Inquisition. Bull was the only one with room in his tent, so we stayed with him. When the Chargers finally got rooms, it was assumed I'd be with him, most people assume we're together. And it works. I don't have anywhere else to go, and he's pretty much Max's dad.”

“And you don't mind how he..”

“We don't have sex,” said Bull. “Until recently, she kind of had a thing with Cullen.”

I snorted. “Though he's being all weird now. Apparently a tent is entirely different than a room. Though no one offered me a room, I can't afford to rent my own, and he never said anything about..” I shrug. 

That got half a smile. “The Commander? Even the Inquisitor has been chasing him.”

“Ah,” I nodded. “Maybe that's it, then. She's a much better catch.”

“Hey,” Bull rubbed my back. “She's a different catch, but not better.”

“Ha. Anyway, Dorian. No, Bull doesn't have a wife and child on the side while he runs around propositioning beautiful mages.”

“Thank you for explaining.”

“Well. Max is out. Did you need to talk, Dorian? We can go somewhere.”

“No. But thank you. Maybe when I'm sober.”

Bull reached out, took his hand, and carefully pulled him into a one-armed hug. “Anytime. Really.”

Watching Dorian relax into Bull pulled at my heart. I wouldn't want to do anything to keep these two apart. And yet… thinking back to all the months with Bull.. the sweet way he had with my boy, how kind he's been to me. The kisses. I sighed.

Dorian pulled away, looking a bit embarrassed, but better. “Thank you. Well! I've kept you enough. Pleasure to meet you, Raia! Bull.” He nodded and headed out.

Bull and I looked at each other. I grinned. “I like him.”

He laughed. “I like him, too. He's a sweet guy.”

“Bed?”

He nodded. I stripped off my shift again. He was carrying Max to the bed. “Want help with your pants?”

He paused and eyed me. “Alright.”

I looked up at his face while I unfastened his pants. I let them drop, he stepped out carefully, then moved onto the bed with Max. I picked up his pants and put them neatly at the end of the bed where he kept them for quick access. I sat down beside him and he put his hand on my back.

“Hey.”

I huffed. “Hey, Bull.”

I turned and took his hand in mine, inspecting it. I kissed the snubbed ends where his partial fingers end. He sighed.

I looked at him. He nodded. “Complicated now, isn't it?”

I nodded. 

“This guy will wake us up soon enough. Give us a kiss and let's get some sleep.”

So I leaned down and kissed him. We were still gentle, searching. His hand moved to my hair and his fingers threaded through, gripping gently.

I pulled back and kissed his forehead. “Goodnight, Bull.”

“Goodnight.”

\--

A messenger found me a few days later with a note from Leliana. I, of course, can't read Common, but it was short. Apparently I was to get back to work with supplies, starting with helping make field rations. A large supply of animals and other goods had arrived and so they needed help getting it all done efficiently.

So, Max on my back, I headed to the kitchens.

They'd already started a large kettle full of bone-in druffalo meat and water to cook down. The meat from this would be dinner, the broth would be strained and then cooked down until it was a thick gelatinous mass. That will then be laid out on cloth and turned several times a day for about a week until fully dried. Portable soup, like bouillon. Very handy when traveling, just add in whatever is at hand, a bit of the portable soup and cook until delicious.

They were also rendering fat in another kettle, while more people helped set things up for dehydrating most of several druffalo. This wasn't all done in the kitchen, of course, they'd taken over the large room just outside of the kitchens as well. When things were done, they'd mix the rendered fat with the dried meat and some dried berries to make a very dense, very excellent traveling food. It's called pemmican back in the USA. They call it travel cakes in Thedas.

We worked hard all day, and I was very grateful for the delicious dinner at the end of it - crusty bread, the tender druffalo, a soft cheese. I snagged a cup of broth from one of the pots on my way up to eat and made Bull and myself French dip sandwiches. They were amazing. I wanted seven more. Bull agreed that 8 is probably the minimum number of sandwiches acceptable. Max very eagerly ate his broth soaked bread, obviously of a similar mind.

“Thank you for telling me to eat with you here tonight. If we'd tried to eat those with everyone else, the cooks would be furious. Everyone would have wanted broth.”

“Absolutely. I'll mention it to them as an idea some time. It's an expensive meal, with the meat, so it would have to be a special thing, or for small groups.”

Max wanted to nurse, so I pulled him into bed. “You heading out? I'm exhausted.”

“I was wanting to. Want me to take him for a bit when he's done so you can get a little extra sleep?”

“Fuck yes.”

Bull laughed. “I'll do that, then. I'll just be down having drinks, he'll be fine.”

“I can't decide if he'd be a cock block or a good way to get girls.”

Bull laughed. “A bit of both if I can't pass him off for the fucking. He's certainly adorable enough to bring all the women over to admire him.”

I smiled and kissed Max's head. “He is.”

“Hey. Do we need to talk about us?”

“Blah. I don't know. I feel like.. this is so good, what we have. And I don't want to risk it. And also, I think you and Dorian could have something pretty special. But that would change things, too. So,” I huffed. “I love you. Of course I love you. You are my dearest friend and you saved us. You've been amazing to me and to Max and Lania. It's more than I could ever had hoped for. Also, I'm in a precarious position in this world. Single mother from another reality. Learning skills, but still not very useful. So I'm going to need someone to support and help me. I need to be looking for a stable long term thing.”

“Yeah,” he rubbed his hand down his face. “The Commander was looking pretty good for that for awhile there. That would have been a nice set up. You wouldn't need the house making skills because there are servants for that.”

“Yeah. But he's pulled way back on that. I think.. I was easy? Just a simple person, rumored whore, no fuss. He loves Max and it helped break down normal barriers, adding a level of intimacy. I have no regrets on what we did, though I wish he'd talked to me about it when he was done. If he's got a chance with the Inquisitor, that makes more sense.”

Bull nodded. “I checked in about that and I'm pretty sure that's what's happening. They'll dance around it a little bit more, but all signs point that way. I think guilt around that plus the oddness of your living situation made it complicated enough that he couldn't deal with figuring out what to say.”

“Yeah.”

“And I..” he shrugged. “I'm torn. I love you too, you're my family. And you've always got a place with me, if it's up to me. Qunari don't do families, so I don't.. they can pull me out at any time, you know? So I don't want you to trust that I'll always be there, and then I end up having to go. And Dorian..”

I nod.

“But. I want..” he gestures with his hands in my general direction.

“Yeah. I want, too.”

“So. We'll need to figure that out then. We both want what we have right now and we risk losing it no matter what way we go with trying to maintain or trying to explore it.”

“We do. I should add that if Dorian was up for it, I have and can do polyamorous relationships. I don't need you to choose between us.”

“That is helpful, thank you for telling me.”

I smirked. “He's going to be skittish as hell, though. Tevinter will have done a number on him as far as his self esteem. He won't think a relationship is even something to hope for.”

“Very true. I need to talk to him. Do you mind if we just maintain what we've got right now while I figure things out with him?”

“I don't mind. It's worth figuring it out. Just keep the communication open with me so I can navigate emotionally.”

He came over and kissed me gently, then picked up Max. “Will do.”

He popped Max on the potty and I curled against him while we waited for Max to pee and then flap around happily.

When he was done, Bull got him diapered, redressed, and then kissed me and headed out.

I flopped back on the bed and enjoyed the quiet, falling asleep in the middle of silly daydreams about a house with Dorian and Bull, a modern kitchen, and a giant bathtub.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Portable soup: https://youtu.be/2fE5KzvOZRk
> 
> Pemmican: https://youtu.be/x_vLuMobHCI
> 
> I love this YouTube channel. I've learned so much!
> 
> I edit this myself and write in my phone, so let know know if you find mistakes. And what you think! It's not going the way I'd planned. Like at all. But I like it, I think. I really hadn't planned on the Bull thing, but I guess I can't help myself.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Your comments and kudos and subscriptions help me so much.   
> Thank you for taking the time <3

I ran into Cullen and the Inquisitor one day while returning from the kitchens after helping with the travel food prep. I had Max on my back and a basket with my, Bull’s, and Dorian’s dinner on my arm.

Naturally, they were in a quiet hall kissing.

They broke apart when I opened the door, but I certainly recognized his current state.

“Oh! Hello!” 

He looked horrified. “Oh. Raia! Hello. Um.”

The Inquisitor looked curious. “Oh, you're Raia? I've heard good things about you.”

I turned from Cullen. “Have you? That's good to know. I only hear good things about you, as well. At least from anyone who's opinion is worth anything.”

She laughed.

“Well!” Even the Inquisitor is eying Cullen a little funny, with his very obvious discomfort, so I figured I should go. “Very good to meet you. The-”

But then Max saw Cullen and got really excited, reaching for him. I smiled. “He misses you.”

“Oh.” He looked sad, but happy at the same time. “I've missed him, too. I- I've just been so busy.”

I nodded. “Oh, I see that.”

He coughed.

The Inquisitor narrowed her eyes. “So you two know each other, then?”

“Not lately. The Chargers were camped but the soldiers at Haven, and I helped organize the emergency preparations there, so we used to talk. He'd come cuddle Max when he was really stressed out.”

“Oh, that's so sweet!”

“Yes. It was.” Max was screeching now, moving from happy to see him to pissed he wasn't being greeted properly. “Well. I either need to go or you need to hug the baby, Cullen.”

“I'll take him! If that's okay. I could carry him for you, where you're going.”

“I've got dinner for Bull and Dorian,” I raise the basket. “So we're going back to our room.”

“Ah. Right.” He carefully pulled Max out if the carrier on my back and I moved it to hang off my shoulder so it didn't fall without him to hold it in place. Max grabbed him tight and started happily screeching. “He's so much bigger. I hadn't realized it'd been so long.”

“Had you not? Hmm. Very good to meet you, Inquisitor. I should be getting back home.”

“You as well! Have a good night. I'll.. see you later, Cullen?”

She obviously was going to question him about his weird behavior. Ha.

“Yes. I'll head back to my office after, if you want to meet..?”

“Yes.”

The Inquisitor nodded to is and headed off the way I'd been going, towards the ramparts. When she's turned around the next corner, Cullen turned to me. “I.. Raia, I realize that I..”

“Started something you couldn't deal with, fucked me, couldn't figure out how to talk to me about it, and then started another relationship?”

He sighed. “Yes. That. I didn't.. you didn't do anything wrong. I just…”

“Cullen. We started talking because you thought I was a whore. We got along well. You needed stress relief and I was there. I'm not resentful of any of that, I'm disappointed that you didn't think well enough of me to think you could tell me you found someone else.”

He grabbed the back of his neck. “Ah. I just.. I'm going through some things. I realized after we got here that I'm not.. you are a mother with a baby. I'm not in a place right now to be what you need.”

“I understand that. Thank you for telling me so that I know where I stand and so that I can look elsewhere without worrying that I missed something.”

“Maker's Breath. I'm sorry.”

I grinned. “So. The Inquisitor, huh? That going well?”

He eyed me. “It is.”

I put my hand on his arm. “Cullen. I'm glad. I hope you find happiness. We're good, you and I, though I'll turn you down if you try me against a tree again.”

He grinned. “As you should. Only a cad would give you any less than a bed.”

“Oh, that does sound terribly romantic!”

“Have you found anyone..?”

I blew out a breath. “I don't know. It's complicated. Just.. I think maybe I could have something with Bull? But not if the Qun took him back. So he can't promise anything, either.”

“Oh! I thought you two didn't..”

I laughed. “We haven't. But we've built a solid friendship and we care about each other very much. He's pretty much acting as Max's dad. We think we could have something more, but as you say, I have a son. It's a larger commitment. And he's owned.”

“He is, yes. Which is a shame. He's a good man, a good asset to the Inquisition.”

“Yes. They'll likely try to draw him back, get more involved. But you and I both know how trustworthy they are.”

“Yes. There's been talk of an alliance, but that seems so unlikely.”

“It'll be a test for him. They could be useful if you remember to never trust them and know that they think of us all as worthless things. They're worth being friendly to, but not giving anything up for.”

He eyed new. “Does that not include Bull?”

“No. His Chargers have helped him find himself. You know real Qunari of the Qun. Bull likes to think he still is, but he isn't. He just needs a little push to be free. If they get him back, he'll get reeducated. Again.”

He nodded. “So if he is free from the Qun, could you and he..?”

“We shall see. He's wanting Dorian, too. We need to see if we can all three get our way.”

“Dorian? Well.” He smiled. “He's a good man. That does sound complicated”

“He is. I hope we can figure this all out. It's.. probably not even something he's talked to Dorian about yet, we don't know how any of it will go. Maybe us, maybe them, maybe us all. No knowing. It's good to have talked to you, better to hear from you than just going off rumor.”

“Yes. And it wasn't.. I never thought of you as a whore. You were.. peace. In a time that I really needed peace. I wish I could have been the man you needed.”

“You were. And you will be better for the Inquisitor. I hope things turn out well for you two.”

“Thank you.”

We continue down the hall and find the Inquisitor standing around the corner, frowning.

Cullen balked. “Ah.”

“I'm very sorry. You were just acting very guilty.”

I laughed. “He really was.”

“He wasn't wrong to. Seriously, Cullen.”

“Maker's Breath! I-”

“We're all good here, though. All things have their time and their endings. He's a good man. And I'm hungry, so I'm going to go have my dinner now.” If they needed to talk, I didn't need to be around for it.

Cullen did walk us to the door, but he spent the walk having a serious conversation with Max. The Inquisitor joined us, looking wistful at Cullen's baby skills. I nudged her and motioned to him. “It's really hot, right?”

She laughed. “It really is.”

She waited outside the room as I went in, followed by Cullen and Max. Cullen was greeted with raised eyebrows by both Bull and Dorian.

“Commander! And Inquisitor! Are you joining us?’

“Not tonight. We ran into them on the way here and Max was very insistent that Cullen give him some attention.”

Bull laughed. “Sounds like him.”

Cullen put Max down, and Max quickly went for the buckles on Dorian's boots.

“Well, it was good to see you. Goodnight Raia. Bull, Dorian.” Cullen nodded and headed out.

I turned from the door to see two very interested men eying me.

I rolled my eyes. “Yeah, I accidently caught them making out on my way here. We talked, we're good. She listened in, so I think he'll be having an interesting conversation about now. Or getting laid. He's really hot when he's cuddling a baby and she was not immune.”

They laughed.

\--

Max adored Dorian. So many buckles, such glorious facial hair. Dorian was hesitant at first, but after a few glasses of wine, he'd relaxed enough to pick Max up and even let him explore his mustache.

We didn't have any talks about relationships or futures, we just relaxed and laughed as friends. It was very nice. Bull followed him out at the end of the night. Max was ready for bed, but they were going to head down for more drinks and such in the Rest.

In the game, they started first as a physical thing, but it seems this time Bull is taking a different tack, I thought as I settled in to sleep.

Or not, apparently.

He didn't come back until early morning and he definitely smelled like Dorian when he crawled into bed.

“You lucky bastard.” I curled up against him.

He chuckled. “Absolutely.”


	11. Chapter 11

The next time Bull left, they had multiple areas they were going to hit so he would be gone at least a month. I continued on with my help organizing and refilling supplies. It was much nicer at the castle than it was back at Haven. We had a nice cool storage room down near the kitchen to store supplies for traveling groups and a large cellar for long term storage of other food. Large barrels of salted meats, cheeses, pickles, other fermented vegetables. It was satisfying, seeing this safety net and knowing I was part of it. 

Dorian hadn't gone with, so we've taken to having meals together. Generally this is me grabbing food and then dragging him out of the library to enjoy it and a little sunlight. 

I admit I've gotten used to being on my own in the room after three weeks. The Chargers were out, my women friends were busy with work and families, and no one really had a reason to visit.

So when Dorian came by to see us unannounced, he walked in to find me dancing my heart out, baby strapped to my back (because otherwise he'd be at my feet crying to be picked up), listening to music on my phone. (9 Crimes by Damien Rice, specifically. It requires much spinning, Max loves it.)

I startled when he came in and licked my lips.

“Um.. Hello! Please close the door.”

He did. Fire by Barns Courtney started to play.

“Dance with us?”

He laughed. “What is this music and where is it coming from?”

I sighed. “Alright. Yeah. So. I have to turn this off or I can't focus on talking, just a sec.”

I retrieved my phone and turned off the music. “So this is called a cell phone. It's mine, I had it with me when Max and I got here. Only Bull knows about it, though I haven't used it since we got here, really. Except for dance parties when Bull's away.”

“It's very small. It's for music?”

“It's.. here. Let me show you some pictures.”

He frowned, naturally, but sat next to me on the bed. I untied Max and he rushed to Dorian, pulling up to a stand and patting him happily. Dorian scooped him up.

I showed him pictures. Max and I, my family. My husband. A bunch of pictures of food. I showed him the picture of Bull I took when we'd first met, and Senna. 

“This is astounding. You're from another world? How is this possible?”

“Max and I fell out of a rift on the Storm Coast. Luckily I ran into the Chargers right away or we'd have been in big trouble.”

“With all the horrible creatures and people there you were very lucky, yes.”

“So then the rest of the story is true - we stayed with Bull. And then with two babies, we all had to work together. It gave us a really strong bond, all of us. I don't have skills for this world. Even the food and cooking is strange. There are some things I know from watching other people do them at home, but my way of life was so very very different. If not for Bull, I don't know what I'd do.”

“Any mother without a husband to take care of her is in a hard position, but I didn't realize quite how hard yours was. You seem to have found a place here, though. And friends. Though the Cullen thing is less funny now.”

I laughed. “Yes. That could have been some good security. But! Not if he isn't up to it. We're a lot to take on.”

“And yet Bull did.”

I smiled softly. “Bull is very special.”

He eyed me. “But you two aren't..?”

I sighed. “It's complicated. We haven't had sex. We have kissed. We have discussed it.” He winced. “The thing is.. what we have is good. And I'll have him as long as the Qun allows. But he can't promise me a life. And I can't pin my and my son's future on that.”

“No. No, you can't.”

“Also, he's completely crazy about a certain amazing Tevinter mage.”

Dorian blushed and buried his face in Max's neck. “You have such a cuddly baby.”

“He adores you. He does this only for his favorite people, you know. The long snuggles mean you're good.”

“Yes. He had excellent taste. Bull and I, though, it's not..”

“Dorian. He adores you. As weird as it is to say, I sleep with him. He comes to me after you have been together. I know what I'm talking about.”

“That is so strange You have feelings for him and he's off sleeping with other people and then coming to your bed.”

“Just you, dear. Not that there haven't been any other people, but not recently. Not since he thought he'd have a chance.”

“I..” he licked his lips. "I want to hear more of your music.

I laughed. “Absolutely. Let me introduce you to Imagine Dragons, my dear.

\---

When Bull came back, he was not okay.

He came straight to the room, mud coated and hungry. He was also just.. not doing what he'd normally do. He seemed shut down.

After he undressed, I sat him by the fire and set the kettle on to heat. I handed him some bread and cheese and started wiping him down with the little pitcher of water I had in the room and a cloth. Just to get him clean enough that he could snuggle Max. Which he did with an intensity that scared me a little.

“Hey, love. How about we pack up and all head to the baths?”

He nodded. I helped get him dressed and gathered our spare clothes, towels, and bath stuff.

I saw Grim and a Rocky walking towards the tavern as we went and felt intense relief. I could only assume they'd gone to the Storm Coast for him to be this off, and I was very grateful the Chargers were here.

Max loves the baths. As soon as we walked in he started bouncing and babbling. Bull smiled down at him. We all get undressed and get into one of the pools. The baths at Skyhold are pretty great. Max immediately starts splashing. He will joyfully splash every second he's in the water. 

I let Bull hold him and I get to work washing Bull, starting with his horns. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“No. Not right now.”

“Okay. I love you.”

“I love you.”

When he was clean, I washed myself, he scrubbed Max, and then we soaked happily for awhile. 

As we walk back to the room, I sent them on and head to the kitchen for more food. And then detoured to the library.

“Dorian.”

“He's back?”

“He's a mess. Please come by when you can.”

“I can come now.”

Dorian helped me carry the food. When we got to the room, Bull was in bed, letting Max crawl all over him. He didn't look surprised to see Dorian. Just nodded to him.

The evening was quiet. After eating, Dorian took one side, I took the other and we curled ourselves around Bull while Max slept on his chest.

This was pretty much how the next week went. After the first day, he started talking to us. And we just held him, held space for him. Other people came by to check on him, but Krem took care to run interference on most of that. We got enough visitors that Bull knew he's cared about, but not enough to interrupt the peace we were building.

One evening, Dorian and I were drinking tea by the fire while Bull and Max napped. He looked at me intently.

“I think this is good.”

“This?”

“The four of us.”

“Ah,” I smiled. “I do, too.”


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I upped the rating to explicit. 
> 
> I had all these plans for this chapter, but I am so not the boss of this.  
> I'm very curious what will happen next chapter, honestly!

The Inquisitor decided to cheer Bull up by taking him dragon hunting. Not that that was the main purpose of the trip, really they were going to Crestwood and that's horrible, but the dragon was the lure. Dorian went with them, of course. You want the Necromancer when there's an undead problem.

I was vaguely certain that you didn't have advanced notice of the dragon in the game, and it seemed good that the actual forward scouts do better scouting.

I was feeling pretty mopey. I felt like I had this strange, unspecified relationship starting with Bull and Dorian, and right when things might start to come together, after we were building a pretty solid comfort level for some kind of cohesive unit, they left.

Together.

For who knows how long.

As far as communication went, what I really had so far was.. nothing. A few kisses from Bull and a good conversation about our wants. His request to let that be while he figured things out with Dorian. And Dorian.. liking spending time with us all?

And I can't mope, Bull just had his world rocked. Killing dragons and fucking Dorian were absolutely the best way to deal with any trauma.

But what about me? And my fucking? 

“Ugh!”

I got Max ready and tied him on my back before heading out to moodily wander the grounds. 

We ended up in the garden and I let Max down to crawl around. He went right for a bench and happily pulled himself to stand and then walked around and around it, practicing walking, holding on for balance.

There weren't too many people around, and no one that I knew, so I threw myself down to lay in the grass bedside him and pouted up at the sky. Max, being a child, immediately crawled to me and started babbling happily, crawling all over my head and slapping me. I just let him. Death by baby love suited my mood.

“Hey, little man, you need to be gentle with your mama!” Came Cullen's voice, followed by the baby being lifted away from me. “You alright? I don't think I've ever seen you look so cross.”

“Ha. Yeah. I'm cranky today.”

“Bull and Dorian left today with the Inquisitor, right?”

I flopped my arms over my head. “Yup.”

He laughed and sat next to me.

“How is Bull doing?”

“Blah. He's.. better? And now he's off to kill zombies and dragons and fuck Dorian in a tent, so that'll help.”

Cullen laughed again, loudly. “I didn't see it listed that way on the official plan. Are you okay?”

“I'm fine. I just.. they're working on their thing. Which is great. I have no issue with that. And Dorian and I are starting a nice friendship. As a rational person, everything is fine.”

“But..”

I glare at him. “But I last got fucked against a tree on the way here and, while it was totally what I needed in that moment, I'd like some more sex in my life. And if I'm in this weird limbo while they get settled, I don't even know if it'd be shitty of me to loan out the baby for an hour and go tackle one of your soldiers.”

He tried very hard not to laugh at me again, nodding gravely instead. “Rylen's available for tackling, if you need that. I don't see Bull minding.”

I burst out laughing. And then continued laughing, a bit hysterically, until I was crying. Cullen gently pet my hair until I pulled myself together again.

“Cullen?”

“Yes?”

“Could you watch Max for a bit? I'd really like a bath where I can relax for awhile.”

“I can. I'll bring him to you if he really needs you, but will head to your room to play otherwise.”

“I'll walk you there, so I can get my stuff. Thank you.”

\---  
The bath was amazing. It was a weird time and I actually got it to myself most of the time I was there. I got clean first, and then just.. soaked. Time where no one was touching me was so rare.

It felt like I was finally starting to find my legs in this world. For so long, I didn't think. I just lived in each moment, not thinking past the next need, the next moment. Just survived. That's normal with a new baby, and with trauma. But the baby is getting close to a year old now. We've started building a life. Friends, futures, fears. Hope.

I missed home. I missed my husband. I missed my life. I had a good one. A good marriage. A future with dreams that would never be fulfilled now. He lost his whole family, and I'm pouting because I'm sexually frustrated.

I lost my world, though, so it's not like I'm better off. At least he still has delivery pizza.

“Ugh.”

I finished up and headed back to my room Max and Cullen were asleep on the bed when I got back I laughed silently, then shrugged and joined them. Dressed. A nap sounded amazing.

\--

We got another three druffalo a few days later, so I had work enough to keep very busy for the next while. I didn't get a chance to pass the baby off for a few weeks. Krem was my hero that time.

“Hey! I don't have anything to do, I could take my darling son to the garden to play if you'd like some time.”

“Yes! Thank you!”

I nursed Max and they headed out, leaving me blessedly alone in my room. I got some cleaning done, made myself some tea, had a snack without having to share. 

I laid on the bed and contemplated what to do next. I probably didn't have a lot longer, we're in teething hell so he is extra clingy and he'd just had a nap, so I couldn't just hope they get him to sleep to stretch the time.

I decided masturbating was always a good idea, so I settled in for that, staying dressed and keeping an ear out for Krem and Max.

I was almost there and my door burst open and Bull and Dorian came through, wrapped in each other's arms, making out with enthusiasm.

They didn't even look up to see if anyone was there, or if they'd just ruined a nap.

“ _Really??_ ” 

The snapped apart and looked at me like they were surprised to see me.

“Should I leave then? Am I in your way?”

“What? No, sorry, Raia. We just got a little carried away.”

I glared. “Apparently. You two have had all this time together, but you just interrupted my second bit of alone time since you left. Just before orgasm. With your making out, probably ahead of sex that you could totally be having in Dorian's room! And now Max is going to be back soon, so that's it for me!”

They winced.

“Should we go?”

“No! You should stay here and not have sex! I don't get sex, you don't get sex. Sit there and stew in it.” 

Dorian snorted. Then I snorted. We tried mightily to keep straight faces, though Bull eyed me.

“Bit keyed up?”

“What? Me? Why on Earth would I be keyed up? Why, a few months ago I had hasty sex against a tree! And then I get to sleep with a really sexy man, who's having lots of awesome sex with a sexier man, but I just get to… wait? For..?” I throw my hands up. “I don't want to go start something else because we might maybe someday start a thing, but goddamn, I need to get laid!”

“I see that.”

Dorian came over to me, kissed my forehead, kissed Bull more thoroughly and headed for the door. “Well! I am going to go find Max and take him for a bath. Bull, please give her at least three orgasms. We'll be back in an hour or so with dinner.”

I squeaked. Bull nodded and Dorian left with a wink.

“That sound okay? We could do-”

I launched myself at him.

We kissed desperately, groping at each other, trying to get my clothes off, pulling down his pants. He maneuvered us over to his chair having me sit down and diving between my legs. I had been close before he interrupted, so I was absolutely already ready. He pressed in one finger, kissing up my side. I lifted a breast so he could kiss and bite the sensitive skin underneath. He added another finger as he switched breasts and I clutched desperately at his horns, wailing his name. 

He moved us so that I was kneeling over his head, bracing my upper body on his chair, as he mercilessly massaged my g-spot with two fingers sending me over the edge again and again, each time pulling me down to his mouth to drink up every drop.

My legs were shaking and I was biting my finger to try to stay a little quiet since it was day and we were in an area with a lot of people. I kept up a constantly panting, breathless pleading as he pulled me over once more, “Yes, yes, yes, fuck, yes, aaaaah!” 

He rearranged us after that, helping me get on the chair to the right height for him to slowly press inside. “Yes, fuck, yes!”

He was panting behind me, too, twisting his hips and bringing me quickly over again, then tightening his grip on my hips and moving to outright slamming into me while I bit hard on my hand and came once more with a silent scream. Behind me he tensed and poured his release into me, gasping against my neck as he slowly caught his breath.

He eased himself out and I slowly melted off the chair into a heap on the floor, leaning my face onto my arms in the seat of the chair. He huffed a laugh and brought me a towel to wipe up a bit, then a glass of water.

“Yeah?”

I laughed helplessly and smiled up at him. “Yeah.”


	13. Chapter 13

“So.”

Dorian returned with food, baby, and an enormous smirk.

“Yes..?”

He moved to set dinner out on the cabinet and I scooped up Max when he came to me.

“The Commander apparently spent some time in your bed while we were away. After you two flirted in the gardens. _Very_ interesting.”

I burst out laughing. Bull fixed himself a plate and sat down, looking amused. “Where'd you hear this?”

“The garden and the kitchen, oddly. The bit about the flirting because someone was mentioning all the different men taking care of her baby - not in a flattering way, either. The kitchens recognized Max and asked me which man was going to be next - apparently someone came by to collect laundry while you were in bed together.”

I groaned. “Okay, yeah, that probably looked bad. Cullen found us in the garden when I was being whiny. We talked, I cried a bit - just stress, nothing interesting - and he agreed to take Max for a bit while I got a bath. When I got back from the baths, they were asleep in bed together. Naps are always good, so I laid down, too. I didn't think about it. I'm not used to having servants coming in and out.”

“Your version is boring and sensible,” Dorian sniffed, taking a bite of cheese.

“I am boring and sensible.”

They both laughed. Bull raised his eyebrow. “Boring? How many women with a baby would be willing to start a relationship with a washed up spy mercenary and his gay lover?”

“First off, fuck you - you're wonderful and I adore you. You're in the Inner Circle of one of the most important organizations in Thedas, fighting to save the world, hardly washed up. You're also one of the kindest men I've ever met. I'm.. so beyond lucky. And grateful. And Dorian is amazing. An absolute joy. Again, I'm grateful. It might not be for everyone, but I'm going into this with extreme enthusiasm.”

They both looked startled and pleased. Max crawled over and slapped the potty, his way to ask to use it. I got him set up.

“Babies really add a lot to romantic conversations,” Dorian smirked. “I am also entering this with enthusiasm, though if you'd told me I'd be doing so a year ago I would have laughed you out of the room.”

Bull snorted. “A year ago I think I was a completely different person. A relationship at all, never mind one with a ’Vint mage? A relationship with a mother? Acting like a Tama to her son? Ha!”

“Not with my husband, instead being transported to an entirely different world with magic, elves, dwarves, and qunari?” I make a bland face.

“Ah. Yeah, you win.” 

\---

At 10 months, Max was very insistent on being involved in everything. Activities, conversations, snuggles, everything. He was also back to teething. He's got five in, and I'm pretty sure he's part piranha. So much biting! So many tears. He currently won't often let me go anywhere without him. Or even across the room.

He really loves playing in the garden with the other kids. There's a six year old named Oliver who he especially adores and who adores him right back. Oliver's mom is Renna. She’s from South Reach, but followed her husband here. He helps coordinate food supply deliveries from the Ferelden farms. 

We spent a few hours one afternoon on the garden, wearing the kids out and chatting. Renna was really pleasant, I enjoyed her. Oliver was so incredibly sweet, wrestling Max gently and letting him crawl all over him.

When Max started getting red eyed and fussy, I took him to the potties to pee, packed him on my back and we headed back to the room for a nap. He falls asleep on the way. He was so tired that I could easily sit on the bed untie the wrap and ease him on the bed without waking him up.

I eyed him briefly, and then cuddled up beside him, needing a nap myself after how much the teeth have him waking up at night.

\---

We joined the Chargers for dinner in the Rest. Max was slowly working his way down the table, snuggling with someone for a while, doing his best to knock over their drinks and steal their food before demanding attention from the next person. I don't come often to the tavern, it gets really loud, and drunk soldiers aren't the best around.. well, anyone, honestly.

A group of soldiers was a bit heavy into their cups, and they'd been sneaking peeks at us and laughing for a little bit. Bull wasn't here yet, and I figured something annoying is going to go down soon.

Krem rolled his eyes at me. “You want to get out of here, or wait and deal with it?”

“Neither, honestly. You guys are leaving soon and I wanted time with you. Honestly, it's bizarre and ridiculous that we're still dealing with the same bullshit rumors after all this time. How complicated can it be? I've slept in Bull's bed this entire time.”

“But yours isn't the only bed Bull sleeps in,” Skinner shrugged. “And Max is obviously human.”

“There's like seven wars going on right now, how difficult is it to imagine me having a husband before all this?”

“That's boring, though. And you did get caught with the Commander in your bed recently. After people knew he was with the Inquisitor.” Krem was smirking. He had a very special smirk reserved just for me and Cullen.

I winced. “So! How long will you be gone?”

They laughed. “A few weeks. Hopefully less than four, but it's so easy to add days with the world falling apart.”

One of the soldiers was shoved towards our table and he staggered drunkenly. He hesitated a little, but approached me.

I sighed. “Yes?”

“Er. We was..” he looked back to his friends, who were grinning. “We was wondering if your.. your services were just for the Chargers or if you… umm..” he looked at his friends again. “If you took on.. others?” He attempted a charming smile.

“My services?” I kept my face blandly pleasant.

“Yes. I mean, we know there was the Commander, too, but he doesn't count as a common soldier.”

“Mm. Well, my services generally go toward the whole of Skyhold.” His face lit up. “In that I work in the kitchens. Mostly with food for the traveling groups, and in food preservation.”

He looked very confused.

I grinned. “I'm not a whore. I lost my husband, and was saved by the Chargers. I'm not servicing them, however. Nor the Commander. Cullen is a friend. I'm in a relationship and very much not open to fucking people for money.”

“A relationship? With who?”

“Me.” Because Bull had come in while we were talking, of course. The soldier turned towards the new voice, then slowly looked up until he could see Bull's face. He paled and hastily left the tavern.

The Chargers burst out laughing.

“And I thought timing like that only happened in stories!” Cackled Varric, who'd come in with Bull.

“Me, too! That was glorious. Complete with friends trying desperately to get his attention and failing!” I laughed. The table the soldier had come from was very suddenly empty.

Bull rolled his eye and grabbed Max from his perch on Rocky's shoulders. “Come up to the room with me, Raia? I got you a present.”

Rolling my eyes at the many many suggestions from the Chargers about what the present might be, I followed Bull up to our room.

And there, by the fireplace..

I burst into tears. “You got me a rocking chair!” 

I ran over to it, admiring the simple lines, and nice wide armrests. I sat down and held out my arms for Max. Bull handed him over and sat in his own chair. “I wish he could have made it big enough for me, too, but then it wouldn't be comfortable for you.”

I was happily rocking, with Max hugging me tight and singing up a storm. “He likes it. You should get yourself one, too, if you could manage it. It's nice on your back to recline a bit.”

He waved a hand at me, “Nah. Blackwall made it for you. He likes doing things for kids, but he's busy enough that he doesn't need to take on another. Last I saw he was working on a rocking Griffin.”

“That's awesome.” I got up and kissed his cheek. “Thank you, Bull. This is a precious gift and we appreciate it.”

He smiled. “I'm glad.”


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We've had some pretty sleepless weeks with teething and then sickness, so this took forever, though I've been poking at it the whole time.   
> \---

The rumors were becoming an issue. 

I don't want to deal with it. 

So far if anyone asks simply explain the situation and move on. I'm friends with the Commander. Sleeping isn't sexual. I have no designs on him. Claiming a relationship with Bull is always met with eyerolls. Makes sense. I've always been assumed to be the Charger’s whore, and Bull has slept with a lot of the servants. And, of course, “everyone knows” he's really with Dorian.

It’s just.. Tiresome. It’s tiresome. I’m tired enough without dealing with drama.

\--

“Hello, Raia!”

“Hello, Inquisitor! What brings you down to the Wild Underbelly today?” I’ve got Max strapped to my back and I’m carefully spreading the portable soup paste onto cloth to start the drying process. It’s in between meal times and there is a mix of people around - some I like, some that are assholes. Everyone’s watching us close, pretending not to.

“I like to wander. Have you seen Cullen?”

There are some murmurs behind us and I’m pretty sure, with her better hearing, Inquisitor Lavellan knows what was being said.

“Not for days. Is he missing? Are there Orlesians?”

She laughed. “Yes. Yes, there are. Say,” she grins, slyly. “I hear you and Cullen were caught in bed together.”

The room goes silent. I laugh.

“Apparently. I hadn’t realized the Inquisition was full of dramatic, gossiping virgins, but here we are.”

“Virgins, is it?” She grins.

“Well, if the person spreading shit had any experience, they’d hopefully have a bit more sense. If I was going to fuck the Inquisitor’s lover, I’d certainly do it differently.” I move the cloth to the drying bench, and start another. “For example, when I fuck Bull, I do it naked. And awake. Also, without a baby sprawled out between us. And I lock the door.”

She laughs. “Oh, my. You naughty thing. Falling asleep fully dressed in bed with a friend and your child, after your lover has left you alone and without a break for almost a month. How incredibly sexy.”

“Well, there were a full bodily fluids exchanged, at least. I mean, it was pee, and it was Max’s, but that still added to Cullen’s laundry concerns.”

“Tiresome. How are you doing otherwise?”

“Eh. We’re okay. Teething again, not getting much sleep.”

“Ugh.”

“Indeed. That’s nothing compared to the shit you deal with, though.”

“I don't know, Orlesians do remind me of whiny babies. I’m going to go track down Cullen. You should grab your boys and have dinner with us tonight. My room, so we can avoid said Orlesians. I hear this baby is getting close to walking and I want to get some baby snuggle time before he stops being one.”

I smile. “Absolutely.”

She leaves. I continue my work. The gossip moves on to less bitchy topics. At least for now.

\---

Sick babies are just balls of misery. 

It starts in the Inquisitor's room, Max is a fussy mess and he refuses to be soothed. Eventually Bull gets him to sleep swaying outside on the balcony.

“He's got a little fever. I'll be sure to bring some easy food to the room before we head out tomorrow, in case you aren't able to get out.” 

I sigh. “Thank you. I hate to leave early, but I should probably get him to bed if he's sick. And myself, in case he's up a lot.”

Lavellan smiles. “Of course. Always best to get a head start on sleepless nights.”

Bull and I head out, leaving Dorian with Lavellan and Cullen. He helps get Max and I settled in bed - made harder by Max waking up with the transfer and being pissed about it. I get him settled back nursing and Bull carefully changes his diaper, which is wet.

“You're such a good dad. Able to change diapers for a baby on his side in bed, without waking him up.”

He grins. “You two have taught me all sorts of skills I never would have imagined.”

I go to sleep as quickly as I can which was lucky. Max is up and crying frequently through the night. We get pretty good use out of the rocker, since I am too tired for pacing. He has a mild fever and snot and I'm not sure which thing is annoying him most. He tries to nurse, but can't breathe through his nose, so then he cries. Or starts to settle into sleep, but again easy breathing is thwarted by snot and he starts crying again.

Bull brings up quite a lot of food - bread, cheeses, travel rations for easy snacking and several pitchers of water. This suits me just fine. Max and I spend the next few days in the room snacking, snuggling, wiping boogers and napping.

People do check in on us - we chat if we're awake, or I wake up to find fresh food and that people did some straightening. His fever never gets high enough to scare me, but it's enough to make him lethargic and it does remind me how much I miss modern Earth medicine and the comfort of having that little bottle of ibuprofen to give him if his fever gets too high.

Also with the sickness comes a lot of dirty diapers, he completely stops using the potty. A bit sad, but honestly, I'm too tired to fuss with the potty, too. Luckily the sneaky cleaning people are also still taking dirty laundry and bringing it back clean. It has taking some time to set up, but the laundry service in the castle is a joy for all.

On the fourth day, when the fever is gone and the snot is in the crusty stage, I drag us down to the baths. Max joyfully splashes through his scrubbing and mine, and I relax for awhile in the heat.

While Thedas doesn't yet know germ theory, I do, and I'm skipping out on working with food until we're not sick anymore. There are no hand washing stations or food safe gloves.

We head back up to the room, stopping by to grab some fresh food from the hall on the way.

I'm super sleepy, so I get the room safe, blocking the unlit fireplace and moving a few things, then I sprawl on the bed while Max entertains himself. I'm deep into a rather nice fantasy where Bull is back, the baby is with someone else, when suddenly Max chomps down on my big toe.

“Aaah!! Demon child!” Max cackles and bites again. I gently remove my foot and roll over to scoop him up. I set him on my belly, still laying down.

“Demon child,” I say severely. “Do not eat your mother.”

He screeches happily and slaps at me. I pull him down and smooch his cheeks loudly, making him laugh. “You need to be gentle with your mama.”

I sit up and thump him back to change his diaper. “Hopefully you feel well enough to get back to the potty soon, but I'm feeling too lazy to deal, too.” 

I get up to put the wet diaper in the bin and then snag some bread and cheese. “Wanna eat?” He crawls to me, so I settle on the floor and put some small bits of bread and cheese on my knee for him to eat. We happily stuff our faces.

“I'm glad you're finally feeling good enough to eat. Hopefully we can be healthy soon.”

He presses out chewed up cheese with his tongue and it sticks to his chin.

“Oh, sexy. All done?”

He smiles and flaps. I clean him up and bring him to the rocker. He happily settles in to nurse, I only have to stop him pinching twice. “Tired baby. You sleep.”

When he's out solid, I put us to bed, hugging Bull's pillow to my chest.

“Just a few more weeks, love.”


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Your kudos and comments help so much.  
> Thank you for your support <3
> 
> I got to write and edit some of this on a laptop instead of just on my phone and it was so much nicer!
> 
> \--
> 
> I drew this picture. I'll figure out how to do the nicer picture insert again soon. Bull and Max napping. I am not an artist, but it made me smile.
> 
> https://beckily.tumblr.com/image/171782841767
> 
> \--

I met them at the gates when they came back.

Dorian winked and held his arms out for Max, who stared back solemnly until he saw the buckles. He reached for the buckles, “Oh yes, my dear, the buckles have come back! They missed you, too.”

Max looked up from the buckles and wrapped his little arms around Dorian's neck, hugging him tight. Dorian looked startled and then melted, hugging him back and taking him from me.

I was distracted by the sweetness, so Bull was able to grab me and pick me up for a giant hug, startling me enough that I squawked. “Bull!” I stopped his laugh with a kiss, that quickly got a bit carried away for being so public.

Dorian laughed. “‘Oh, welcome home, Dorian!’ Why, thank you, Raia, it is good to be home. There was so much nature, I need a vacation. ‘Of course you do, darling, that's why I've made some of my delicious French Dips to welcome you back to civilization.’ What? French Dips! A woman after my own heart!”

I snickered against Bull's neck. “Dorian, my love! I've pined terribly without you here. I didn't make French Dips, but we had yogurt, cucumbers, and lamb available, so I'm making gyros. I think you'll forgive me. The dough for the flatbread is resting in the room, and the meat is marinating. Go bathe and join us soon.”

He pretended to swoon. “You're a treasure. I'll go make myself pretty for you, pay you back a bit.”

Bull put me down to take Max from Dorian, “My big boy, look how big you've grown!”

We all head toward our rooms. 

“How was it? How long was he sick?” 

I smiled. “About a week. And then added shit sleep for a week or so? Possibly teeth. And he's starting to walk! I, of course, missed the first steps. He did it for Oliver, who was elated. He's still really cautious with it, just a few steps here and there, but it's increasing.”

Bull tosses Max up and catches him, smooching his cheek. “That's my boy! How about we drop my stuff in the room and I'll take him to the baths with me, give you a few minutes of silence?”

“That is the sexiest thing I've heard in weeks. Fuck yes.”

\---

Dinner was delicious. 

Flatbread and lamb cooked over the fire in our room, yogurt sauce, fresh and pickled vegetables, a crumbly tangy cheese, followed up with a small cheesecake. I got help with making the cheesecake earlier in the day and it was amazing.

Dorian had brought wine to go with the lamb and it was perfect. Max especially liked the pickles (onion, turnips, carrots), and the cheese. The cucumbers he enjoyed mushing but they were not for eating, apparently.

“Well,” sighed Bull. “It really is time to retire. I'm getting old, can't keep running about all over the country with you kids. I'm just going to have to make the sacrifice and stay here. Raia likely needs my help with this little monster, anyway, now he's walking.”

I snorted. “If you think retiring means I'm cooking like this every day, you're going to be heartbroken. It means wet diapers and meals in the hall with everyone else.”

He looked mournful. “That's terrible. Dorian, why's she so mean?”

“Mm? Can't hear you, too happy,” he snuck another bite of cheesecake. “Though I was thinking of retirement myself. I'm getting a bit old for all those field rations.”

“You do realize that most of the cooking I do is _making_ those field rations, right?”

He grimaced. “Bull. Why is she so mean?”

I rolled my eyes.

“So! I decided on a fabulous new game for us to play.”

They both grunted lazily.

“First, Bull is going to get out his fancy oils, then I'm going to massage Dorian, Dorian and I are going to massage Bull, and then Bull is going to massage me. Or Dorian can. I'm not picky. Tomorrow, not today. Way too much work for today, I'm sleepy.”

“That sounds amazing. You are forgiven.” Dorian offered me a bite of cheesecake, which I happy took.

Max crawled over and yanked on my clothes until I got my boob out and he started nursing.

“So you guys know how long you'll be here this time?”

Bull smoothed his hand over Max's head. “No. Hopefully a while, though. I think she's going to take out a different team next time, give us a rest. Dorian had some things to research and I can help with training a bit, Cullen had a few ideas.”

“I'd like that.”

Dorian yawned. “Hm. I guess.. I will head to bed then? I'm worn out.”

Bull frowned.

I looked between them. “Hm. I guess you guys share a tent while you're off galavanting?”

They nodded. “I have to admit,” Dorian started, tentatively, “it sounds really cold, thinking of sleeping alone. This castle is so drafty.”

Bull smiled, “Odd to say it'll be strange to go to sleep without your frozen feet tucked in my knees.”

“Well, you two dither around about that, I'm going to bed. Max gets his spot, then me, then Bull, then Dorian. We've done this before. This baby is teething, so be prepared for shit sleep.”

Max had nursed right down so I got him settled, washed my teeth, stripped, and crawled into bed.

Dorian kissed my head when he got into bed. “Goodnight, Raia.”

Bull laid on his back and Dorian and I both snuggled up to him. I lightly held Dorian's hand.

We slept this way until Max needed to nurse a few hours later.

\---

We had breakfast in the hall the next day. Bull had to leave first to go meet with Cullen for the Training Ideas, but Dorian planned to laze around with me and Max for awhile longer. Bull kissed us both before heading out, which caught the attention of a nearby soldier.

“You both are so desperate you're willing to share? Him? Must be sad to know you're not good enough to satisfy him. Does he still go off with all the serving girls?”

Dorian looked affronted but I burst out laughing. “Seriously? Do you even know who you're talking to?”

The man glared. “A mercenary whore and a Tevinter Magister.”

“Mm, that's a no then. Why are you being an asshole?”

Dorian snorted.

“I just asked a question!”

I gave him a flat look.

He glared.

I turned back to my breakfast.

He glared at his own for a bit before sighing.

“It.. doesn't bother you?” He sounded honestly curious this time.

I turned back to him. “Nope. Because we talked about it. I am, in fact, not a whore. Bull and I were good friends for months through some pretty intense trauma. He and Dorian work together a lot, out with the Inquisitor. When he and I realized we might want to go past friendship, we had a long conversation about it, and about his feelings for Dorian. We put us on the back burner while he pursued the relationship with Dorian, and then we all talked about it together before things started with Bull and I. We're all good friends first. It's all respectful, and any issues will be taken seriously and addressed.”

“Oh. And all that talking didn't take away the passion?”

I grinned. “No. Passion comes in different types. There's that rush with someone new where you sweep them off their feet, can't keep your hands off them, right?”

He grinned.

“But there can be downsides to that. Sometimes you accidentally do things they didn't want, or you misread a situation, or insecurities come up and they aren't dealt with. You don't know where you stand or what the other person wants.”

He nodded.

“Talking is the answer. You talk about the things that really work for you, the things that never work for you, your goals, things you want to try, things you might be willing to talk about trying. And that's just for sex. It’s more important, more interesting, and more fun when you talk about everything else.”

A younger guy across the table butted in, curious, “You can just.. talk about that?”

“Sure! I love being bitten, I do not want to be demeaned, I want a long term relationship with help raising my son, I'd like to try some of Bull’s rope work, I might be willing to talk about quite a few things, those suggestions would need to come from his wants. If I want to do them, I should be able to say that. If I can't trust my partner with that, I can't trust them with my body.”

The boy blushed scarlet.

“Not saying you should be as comfortable as me, that's unlikely to happen. But, 'I want to kiss for hours, but am not comfortable with touching under clothes,’ or ‘ I would love to have sex, but don't like to be scratched,’ those types of things are important. Being able to tell them what you like, and being willing to listen as they tell you what they like. It's what makes you a good lover.”

They contemplated this before looking between me and Dorian. “Are you two together, too?”

“Nope!”

“Why not?”

“Because we don't have those feelings for each other. We're good friends, and the three of us are happy.”

“We are indeed. Come!” Dorian got up and held out his hand for me. “We have things to do, my dear.”

I smiled to the men and follow Dorian out of the hall, Max joyfully smacking me in the face with a hunk of bread.

We walked down to ring where Bull was working with a few soldiers. There was a small area against a wall, near some stairs that were a bit out of the way and had a nice little patch of grass. Dorian leaned up against the wall and I sat down with Max so he could inspect the grass.

“That didn’t seem to bother you at all,” Dorian mused, watching Bull.

“Mm. You guys aren’t around much. That’s pretty constant for me, honestly. Since I got here, they have thought I was a whore. Sometimes they think I’m just Bull’s, sometimes all the Charger’s, sometimes for anyone. Some ask. And, now Bull is openly with you, people talk about it. They’re trying to figure out my place, since I still obviously live in his room.” I shrugged. “People I talk to a lot are past it, but anyone who only recognizes me gets curious.”

Dorian frowned down at me. “That’s terrible.”

“It’s.. not my favorite. I’m pretty tired of it. It got worse after the Cullen Napping Scandal. The kitchen staff got pretty nasty. Lavellan helped with that, though, and it’s mostly blown over. I do think Cullen’s avoiding me, I haven’t seen him in a suspiciously long time.”

“He might be, though there’s also quite a lot he’ll be busy planning currently.”

“Mm.”

“Have you done this before? This.. sharing a man?”

I laughed. “I have, actually. Kind of. I’ve been in open type relationships where someone has a primary relationship and then dates on the side. Open and honest and fine. The thing here is different in that I don't really think there's a primary relationship? Either way, we have to be open and have good communication.”

“It.. In Tevinter, you could never openly be with a man, as we’ve talked about. And I was expected to marry the girl, produce the heir, and maybe have lovers on the side, discreetly. I do have moments where this seems to mirror that a bit too closely.”

I nodded. “I can see that.”

He laughed, “What, no hasty denials?”

“Naw, you’re right. This does have that appearance, it makes sense you’d have that fear. You two are open, and generally thought of as the primary, so.” I shrugged. “It’s not that way, but there is a woman and a baby involved. That would have me being the primary, but I think you would be primary if we had to label it.”

“And none of that bothers you?”

“Well. So far it’s okay, I guess. Honestly, not much has changed for me. I get a new line of insults thrown at me, you sleep over instead of him going to your bed with you.”

He frowned. “I thought you weren’t having sex before? Surely that’s a change.”

“Dorian, love. We had sex once. That one time. That was it.”

He blinked. “Oh. I hadn’t realized.”

“You guys are gone a lot. And this is new. And there’s the baby, so it’s not like we can just sneak away at any time. The Chargers are in and out, so there’s not always someone to take him. And he’s super cranky these days and wants to be with me all the time.”

“And I slept over, so you couldn’t do it then.”

“That, too. Though I was too tired last night. But yes. We have very little opportunity.”

“That hardly seems fair.”

“It isn’t fair. Life isn’t run by fairness. I could, of course, get someone for myself. I might, if I meet someone. I haven’t, though, so that’s a moot point.”

“I could clear out, but then it could become some weird thing where you get him here and I only get him in tents, and that’s no good.”

“Nope. And honestly, it’s fine. We’ll figure it out. And the baby will grow up. Things will get easier.”

“That's.. long term planning.”

“That happens when you have to plan for a child's future. I'm in for the long haul.”

He smiled. “That's an interesting idiom.”

I laughed. “I think it's for trucking. People hauling supplies long distances instead of short ones.”

Bull boomed out big laugh and we looked up to see him taking on a group of the green looking recruits, grinning.

“The long haul. I like that.” Dorian mused.


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Modern love songs and conversations.  
> Links to the YouTube videos of the songs at the end.  
> \--

“So I've heard some of your music, but what about love songs? What are those like?” Dorian was reclining on the bed with a glass of wine, his feet bare.

I smiled as I rocked the baby. “There's a wide variety. I have a few in my phone, though, if someone brings it to me.”

Bull did, with a smile. 

“So..” I looked through my list and grinned. “Alright, this one.”

I played #1 Crush by Garbage, singing along. “I would die for you, I would die for you, I've been dying just to feel you by my side.”

Dorian sat up, looking amused and intrigued. When it was over, he laughed. “That's a bit dark, isn't it?”

Bull smirked and nodded. “I like it, though. Very.. evocative.”

Dorian laughed again. “Yes, very. Play another.”

I hummed. “Okay, this one is called rap. They speak the lyrics, and there's a lot of terms you won't recognize, but it is very famous.”

And then I got to watch The Iron Bull and Dorian of House Pavus listen to What a Man by Salt-N-Pepa. They were frowning with half smiles, trying to follow through the things they didn't understand, but they also both mouthed along to the refrain.

I was dancing along, of course. And knew all the words. Max bounced along in my lap.

Without comment, I followed it up with the Dan Stevens version of Evermore.

“There really are endless varieties of love songs.” I put the baby down and move to get myself some more wine.

“Thank you, that was fascinating.” Dorian smiled.

“One more?” Asked Bull.

“Hmm.. let's go.. country, Faith Hill.” I play Breathe. 

“Oh, I like that one. It's sweet.” Bull smiled when it was over.

“Yeah, it is. They all just try to show an aspect of love. They're all from different music genres, too, so different groups of people generally listen to different ones. Though that's changing these days, with easier access. You used to have to wait for it to play in the radio, where other people pick the songs, or buy the whole group of songs. Now you just pick out what to buy song by song and it's really easy to listen to things, see if you like them.”

“It all sounds like magic to me. Songs whenever you want, over and over?” Dorian finished his wine.

I grinned. “Much better than carrying a minstrel in your pocket for sure.”

Dorian looked like he was contemplating the logistics. “One more thing, not a love song. Something you wish you could play in the Rest.”

I played Into the Darkness by The Phantoms. Hey, they used it for an Inquisition promo, it's perfect. Bull and Dorian agreed.

“Now!” Dorian got up. “I'm going to take this boy for a walk before bed. I'll try to be awhile.”

He put on his boots, changed Max's diaper and headed out.

“I love watching him change diapers.”

Bull snorted. “I do, too.”

“You good? You seen quiet.”

“Dorian and I talked. I, ah..” he stretched his shoulders and ran his hand down his face. “I hadn't realized. I've been so caught up in.. everything. I hadn't realized how things were for you here.”

“Mm.” I nodded. “Well, to be fair, you're trying to save the world from annihilation, got kicked out of your people, and started a relationship with two people when that isn't even a thing in your culture. It's not like I'm resentful.”

He snorted. “Yeah. And babies. It's been a lot. Still. I care about you, I should have noticed more.”

“I disagree, but okay. Yeah, some things have sucked.”

“And for what? I'm not sure what I'm even giving you at this point, we're always gone.”

“Oh, hey hey, no.” I got up and crawled into his lap, hugging him. “I fucking love you. When you're around, you're a wonderful partner. Max adores you. The shitty bits are in no way your fault.”

“They call you my whore, Raia. Openly. They have this whole time and I haven't made them stop, I've made it worse.”

“Oh, have you? Down there bragging about it, are you? “

He jerked. “No!”

“Then how are you making it worse? You going to explain to each and every person just how our relationship works? They don't care.”

“But _I_ care. I want you to be treated well. I don't want you having to deal with this crap just because of my reputation and my actions.”

“Ah, babe.” I kissed him, softly. “Even if Max was yours, if we'd showed up married and you were monogamous, you know they'd still throw shit. Throwing away all other things, you're a giant fucking qunari and I'm a human. The general exhausted, overwhelmed, traumatized, bigoted populace won't take the time to know that you're excellent and intelligent. They don't care that you're tender and a patient loving father. But _I_ do. And I deem you worth every bit of the shit.”

He hugged me tight and kissed the top of my head. “I don't know why.”

“You don't have to. Loving you is my choice. I wish it was different, of course I do. But I wish for more time, way more sex, and indoor plumbing. I don't give a fuck about people who don't care enough to even ask. As far as I'm concerned, we're good. And Dorian and I are good. And I hope you two are, as well, you're great together.”

He nodded. “Yeah.”

“Now. Magically get aroused, because while I'm not exactly in the mood, beggars can't be choosers and we very rarely get a chance to fuck. So fuck me”

He rumbled out a laugh and slid his hands down to grab my butt. “Yes, ma'am.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> #1 Crush: https://youtu.be/PX7LLua5NCM  
> What a Man: https://youtu.be/8-WFNbMohTQ  
> Evermore: https://youtu.be/diLa-gpHRKc  
> Breathe: https://youtu.be/yCmsZUN4r_s  
> Into the Darkness: https://youtu.be/Eq0qySIg4x0


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is short, but it was hard enough to get this much so I'm going with it.
> 
> I got a laptop! I just knew I'd be willing, but apparently I just want to draw.  
> I did a picture for.. whatever chapter (15?) where Raia kisses Bull upon his return home. I tried to do one of Dorian and Max, but Dorian would never forgive me for what I did to his poor face. I'll try again another time.
> 
> https://beckily.tumblr.com/post/173594786292/im-really-proud-of-this-it-took-little-bursts
> 
> Anyway. Hope you like it!

Apparently this downtime for Bull and Dorian was brought to me by Halamshiral. The group for that - the Inquisitor took Cassandra, Blackwall, and Vivienne from the inner circle - headed out early one morning. I know this because Max decided dawn was an excellent time to wake up, and I left the room to let Dorian and Bull get some more sleep.

I took Max down to the gardens to toddle around. He had a weird aversion to walking on grass, but he enjoyed the pavers and the paths. I was still pretty muzzy-headed, so I just sat on a bench and watched him. He found one of the raised rock borders and was joyfully climbing up and down over and over, talking up a storm.

“Dah! Dah! Guh! Yeah!”

“Yeah!” I agreed. “Up! Down.”

“He’s getting so big!” Renna, Oliver’s mom, was carrying a basket, probably here to collect herbs for the kitchens.

“He is! Getting into everything.” 

She smiled. “I remember when Oliver was that age. And soon..” She rubbed her belly in a telling motiong.

I jumped up. “Renna! Really? Another baby? Congratulations!”

She laughed. “Yes! We were slow to tell people after..” she frowned. “Well, we’ve had several loses, with everything. But the healer says we’re both healthy, so I’m feeling hopeful. Probably the beginning of Autumn, or the end of Summer.”

“Can I hug you?” She smiled and opened her arms. I hugged her tight. “I have had a loss as well. I am sorry. Let me know how I can help you. I’m so happy for you!”

“I will. Thank you. I’m feeling better these days, finally. Not so tired.”

I helped her gather herbs while Max happily alternated chewing a rock and a stick and then she headed back to the kitchens. Breakfast sounded good, so I tied Max back on my back and headed to the Hall to go over options.

I piled a tray with pastries, boiled eggs, and sausages, and headed back to the room where Bull and Dorian were lazily making out in bed.

I tisked at them and settled the tray on the side table by the chairs. “Lazing about in bed, I see.”

Dorian chuckled. “Indeed. Very slothful.”

They both stretched, pulled on pants, and came to snag some breakfast.

“Raia,” Dorian started, after a bite of egg. “How old is Max now?”

I hummed. “I’m not super sure. About a year, I think. I’m not sure how much our calendars line up.”

“We should compare! We have 12 30 day months.”

“Oh, how very rational! We have.. Our year is about 365 days, except it’s a little bit more than that and we add a “Leap day” in every four years to keep things on track. Our months have 30 or 31 days except February which usually has 28 days. Except on leap years when it has 29. And our year isn’t starting at the Winter Solstice like you have it here, it’s.. 11 days later.”

“That,” Bull laughed, “is a strange calendar. Why would they make it confusing on purpose?”

I finished getting Max off my back and he toddled over to the food tray to explore it. “I don’t know. I think the ancient Egyptians had a standard 30 day calendar with a varying number of Feast Days at the end of the year? Anyway. Max’s birthday is April 20, April being the 4th month. It’s the..” I paused to count. “110th day of the year, I guess, we could go from there? Though I don’t know when we got here, to compare to when we left. He was 2 months old when we got here.”

We all paused to contemplate. 

“So, with all of that.. Then.. I would say.. The second day of Drakonis? Which is in 3 days.” Dorian smiled.

“Oh! Well, then. I’ll have to make a cake!”

\---

We celebrated in the garden. 

Max was wandering around with Lania, too young for much playing, but they both still liked each other and randomly climbed all over each other. They both really liked dragging things and Max had one of Dorian’s old belts as his favorite dragging toy. Lania thought it seemed pretty excellent, too, so they took turns crying about the other one having it until someone could distract them.

The garden was pretty crowded, with other families, the Chargers, our Inquisition friends if they were still at Skyhold. When Oliver showed up, Max toddled over hastily for hugs and to smack him in the face merrily.

It was very amusing, watching people watch Dorian and Bull act like fathers. People were used to me, and they were used to them, but they weren’t as used to the four of us together as a family. Bull and Dorian were just gone too much.

The kids did their rounds with all their favorite people - ganging up on Dorian’s shirt-belts, giggling madly with Bull giving piggy-back rides, taking snuggle breaks with the Chargers. Varric even tolerated Lania’s intense focus on his chest hair and how much yanking it would tolerate when she found him and demanded he pick her up.

Valania made the cake, and it was delicious. Rich and buttery, with apple.

I felt like I was watching it all from a distance. I was smiling and chatting, but slowly backed away and watched from a wall out of the way. My baby was one. He had a family here that loved him. I wished desperately that his father could see him. That he could know we didn’t leave on purpose, but that we were safe. 

Bull joined me, quietly. I wiped my eyes and smiled as best I could before snuggling against his side.

“He’d be so proud of Max.”

I nodded. He wrapped his arm around me and we watched the party together quietly.

Krem found us a bit later, holding a sleeping Max. I took him and headed back to our room with him, nursing him to resettle in bed, and then joining him in a nap.

I dreamed of the life that we lost. I dreamed of our family back home getting to see what a wonderful child Max was growing into.


	18. Chapter 18

Today I got to help make fatwax/equipment grease. I hadn’t realized this was a thing and found it completely fascinating. You take the fat scraped from bear skins (bears are killed quite regularly by Inquisition members; apparently the game wasn’t exaggerating), render it, and mix it with an equal amount of beeswax. This is then used as a generic grease for coating weapons, leather, or whatever might need a little grease or waterproofing. Apparently it’s a good lip balm. 

We rendered down the fat in large cauldrons and I still haven’t gained the required maturity not to cackle under my breath and make as many cauldron bubbling jokes as my workmates would tolerate. It wasn’t many, they didn’t understand why I thought it was funny.

When we were done, we each got one small jar for ourselves and the rest went into storage for general Inquisition use. We all headed right to the kitchens, because cooking fat smells amazing, but we didn’t get to eat anything. There was a delicious stew today - druffalo with root veg. I grabbed some crusty bread and a couple little jelly tarts and headed out to find my boys - Bull kept Max today and I hadn’t seen them since they came for a nursing visit almost two hours earlier.

I found them just outside the kitchen steps playing in the grass. Apparently Cole had taken interest and was letting Max visit with one of the kittens.

“Hello, lovelies!” I called as I came down the steps.

Max looked up at me and grinned. “Mamamama!”

“Yes! Mama! Do you have a kitty?”

“DAH!”

Bull grinned. “He’s been really happy. You up for sharing any of that, it looks good.”

I nodded and settled in the grass, pulling the food down by my side and holding my arms open for Max, who rushed into them.

“Have you met Cole?” Bull asked, snagging a tart.

“I have not yet had the pleasure, no.”

“But you know me. Gentle, precious, Compassion. A treasured companion.”

I smiled at him. “Always. You’re one of my favorites.”

Max started reaching for my food, so I pulled a piece of carrot from the bowl and blew on it until it was cool enough to hand it to him. He happily stuffed it in his mouth.

“Tell me stuff while I eat,” I started by eating the solid pieces. So tender, so yummy.

“Dorian is in the library working, he’ll be along later. Max has had a pretty happy time, though I think he’ll be heading for a nap soon. Cole was introducing him to the kittens and he was really gentle.”

I nodded. “Alright. How about you, Cole?”

“He misses you. He thought his life would be empty, but he’s found a new friend. She bakes for him, and holds him when he cries. He knows you would never leave on your own, but sometimes hopes that you did, so that he can believe you both are okay.”

My breath caught. “Oh.”

Bull frowned, “Cole, maybe..”

“But he’s okay? He’s finding someone new?”

“Yes. He is hopeful, and you did tell him you’d never want him to be alone. He hasn’t given up hope, but he has so much love to give.”

“Yes,” I hugged Max tight. “Yes, he does. I hope he can be a father again.”

“So does he.”

I finished up by dipping the bread in the broth and then brought my dishes back up to the kitchen. Cole was gone when I got back. I didn't really feel much like talking, and Bull seemed to understand. We went back to our room and got Max ready for a nap. He nursed down while I rocked and sung. Bull sung along and it warmed me. My family was ripped apart, but we were both finding new lives, new support. And hearing a giant qunari warrior singing Rock-a-bye Baby is pretty adorable.

I settled Max in bed, then returned to Bull. I leaned against him, wrapping my arms around him. We held each other quietly for a time, just breathing each other in.

“I’m so grateful every day that I found you. I don’t know how I could have done this without you.”

“Well,” he laughed quietly. “Honestly, you would probably have died on that beach without us, but I know what you mean. I’m very glad we found you, too. I don’t think I would want to go through these things without you two anchoring me.”

We kissed then. Slowly, not heading towards anything, just being close with each other. Slowly we stopped and just held each other.

\---

We’d never really gotten around to discussing sex. We’d had sex twice, and discussed our relationship in general far more, but having the time, concentration, and readiness to really sit down and discuss wants, needs, and fantasies hadn’t happened until an afternoon when Dorian took Max to play and promised us several hours.

The conversation didn’t take hours, but the sex that followed that conversation did.

When Dorian returned with Max, he found us both asleep.

I woke when Max climbed on top of my head chanting, “Mama mama mama!”

Bull laughed beside me. “Miss your mama, little boy?”

“He did, but he had quite the adventure,” Dorian sat down and took off his boots, while I maneuvered Max to nurse. He latched with enthusiasm. 

“He took a shine to one of the Orlesian ladies in the garden and spent quite some time playing with her skirt. She was very kind, said her children were grown now and she missed the sweetness. Not what I expected from an Orlesian, I’ll have to tell the Inquisitor one of them is actually tolerable.”

I snorted. “She’ll appreciate the warning so she doesn’t go into shock.”

“Then we spent some time in the Hall, stealing snacks from Varric, and then read books in the library. He actually napped there for awhile, that was very peaceful. I did get some very odd looks, I’ll have to get him to do it again.”

I grinned. “Your reputation will be ruined. Hard to think of you eating babies when you’re letting one use you as a bed.”

“Nonsense, I was just luring him in, gaining his trust. And then I strike!” He tossed his boot at the door, startling Max with the bang.

“Mah! Dah!”

“Absolutely, I’m sure,” Dorian agreed.

“I got a note today, by the way. Dorian and I will be heading out soon with the troops, going to Adamant. They don’t see reason to come all the way back here only to turn around and go even further East so a smaller party will be returning here, while those heading to the battle will leave from Halamshiral,” Bull reached over to pet Max’s hair.

I sighed. “I hate everything about that idea, but I understand. I’ve gotten so spoiled having you guys around.”

“I certainly have no great enthusiasm, but it’s going to be an undertaking, we’ll need everyone,” Dorian sighed as he crawled over to cuddle against Bull.

“I bet I’ll be kept very busy getting supplies ready for you guys. Do come home safe, it’s a long way to go for me to lecture your corpse and I’m quite done losing family.”

They both leaned up to kiss my head. “We will do our very best,” Dorian smiled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fatwax  
> https://youtu.be/MattBVhFSwM  
> This one was so awesome, did you also think of all the applications, Latisteele? (If you're still here;))


	19. Chapter 19

Dorian returned from Adamant injured. Apparently potions and mages can do a lot, but a crushing leg injury still called for recuperation. I did not appreciate the reminder that this was not a video game and the main characters weren’t magically going to come through everything unscathed and with perfect makeup.

Bull was still with the Inquisitor, they had many things to do on the long trek back to Skyhold, so the injured were sent ahead of the rest.

Of course, I had Dorian set up in our room instead of in the infirmary. He mostly just needed rest. I did have them give him a raised bed so that he could rest without Max crawling all over him.

“Max! No! All done!” I swooped in to move him away from where he was lovingly hitting Dorian with a wooden serving spoon.

I tossed Dorian a napkin and set down a bowl filled with interesting rocks in front of Max to try to distract him while finishing putting together Dorian’s dinner on a lap desk for eating in bed. Rich druffalo stew, crusty bread with salted butter, roasted vegetables, wine - delicious.

“A little pre-meal tenderizing, I see. At least he chose my face and not my leg. That smells amazing. And tastes amazing, from the smears he left on my face.”

“It’s the newest fad in skin care, you know. Broth is… toning? Here you go, love.” I got him settled, comfortably propped up, everything in reach.

“Thank you,” he settled into eating while I get things ready for me and Max. A little wooden bowl with small chunks from the soup, a small chunk of bread, and a little metal cup of water. He dug in with enthusiasm, filling both hands with little chunks and holding those tightly while getting more for actually eating.

I dug into my own bowl of soup with equal enthusiasm, it really was delicious today, we must have gotten something new and fresh in the kitchens. We ate quietly, all very focused.

After mopping up the baby and collecting the dishes to the tray for later return to the kitchen, I helped Dorian settle on his side, braced with pillows under his leg. I got out the elfroot salve and gently massaged it onto his leg. “It feels better, I think. The muscle is softer, and the scars are lightening a bit.”

“Yes, I think it’s much better. This helps.”

I kiss his forehead and put away the salve. “You sleep. We’re going to the garden and then we’ll be back for his nap. Won’t be long. You good?”

“Yes, yes. Go run that boy, I’ll be fine.”

\---

We settled into a good rhythm over the next few weeks. Currently Dorian was holding Max while he napped and I mopped the floor. 

“I really thought the servants would do this kind of thing for all the rooms.”

I grinned. “Oh, sure. But only so often. Did you want the pee to stay until then? I’ve been spot mopping, but there’s a smell, so obviously it needs a bit more.”

“True. It’s been interesting, being stuck in this room. I somehow missed quite how much work it is to take care of a baby. I knew the sleeping and the garden running, but not the endless laundry and wiping up. And how he hides chewed food everywhere.”

“Oh yes, isn’t that charming? I found him chewing an old apple core in the garden the other day. Apparently someone just threw it there, forgetting that children are disgusting. He was very unhappy with me when I took it away.”

“I see I’ll have to spend more time with him as he grows, get him a more discerning palate.”

I smile and start putting away the mop, squeezing out the water and setting the bucket aside. “What is your plan for the future?”

“After saving the world, you mean? I..,” he frowned. “I will have to go back to Tevinter. There’s so much change that needs to happen and I mean to be a part of that.”

I nod. “You’ll be amazing, of course. Bring all these rustic Fereldon ideals up north. Next thing you know, the Archon will be sporting a mane like Cullen’s and getting mabari tapestries for the halls.”

He did an amusing attempt at a pained shudder, while trying to be still and not wake Max. “What about you?”

“I.. don’t know. We don’t really have a place, do we? Ideally we can find somewhere safe to settle and get this boy raised up. But.. I don’t know. Bull will likely continue with the Chargers, and that isn’t.. Ideal. I can’t really expect him to support me forever, especially if I’m not living with him. Maybe I could stay on here? Or find another place where I can work? I do okay here, and I’m learning more all the time.”

Dorian frowned. “You likely could. You’ve taken great care of me, and you know basic household things, now. You could find work in a kitchen, or maybe..” he kissed Max’s head. “I hate that idea, though. Us all going our separate ways, and Max losing his family.”

“I don’t like it, either. But what other options? I don’t want to travel with a mercenary group while raising a child. Some of that would be amazing - meeting people, traveling, but constant fighting? And constant traveling is hard. Especially on a child. He won’t have steady kid friends to grow up with. I’d hope you’d all visit, wherever I end up. I had thought that’s how it might work with Bull - whenever he’s around, he’d stay with us for awhile. Like any traveling soldier father.”

We were quiet for awhile.

“Maybe..” Dorian paused. “Maybe you could come with me? I don’t plan to have slaves, so you could help keep house? I don’t.. That might not be what you want for him, but you’d be provided for. For all all its faults, Tevinter is more civilized than the south.”

“Really? That’s.. I will definitely think about that. We could figure out some details, so I could learn what I’d need to know from my friends here before going. No use having a servant who doesn’t know how to do some basic task. And you’d want to get a cook, because I can do bits, but mostly from what I scavenge from people who actually know how to use the equipment and ingredients of this world.”

“That wouldn’t be an issue. Actually, with single men like me, not living at a family estate, we’d generally live in an apartment and they don’t always even have kitchens. There are plenty of places to buy food, and it’s not very expensive to do so. Even the lower classes tend to do it that way.” 

“Oh! That’s similar to how it was in our world. That is doable, then. Um,” I looked at him askance. “What is the risk for us? I know you joke a lot about how normal it is to kill political opponents.”

He grinned. “You should be fine, actually. Very gauche to be so poor at that you kill the wrong people.”

“Oh, well then. I’m glad their manners are so good.”

 

“I would, of course, have things set up so that if they did get lucky - and they won’t, of course - that you would be quickly taken care of and escorted back down south to friends.”

“I appreciate you thinking of us. We’ll want to talk to Bull when he gets back, to see what he had been thinking. It’s nice to know I have options.”

He smiled and kissed Max’s head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had this idea for a big drama thing, and possibly some very dirty sex, but then I sat down and wrote this.  
> This fic's kink seems to be rational conversation.
> 
> Thank you guys again for all your kudos and comments. It really helps. Being a mom of young children is generally doing a whole lot of work for people who then pee in your bed or scream when you try to wash their faces, so having something I do be rewarded with praise is ... it helps.
> 
> Also! Feel free to come chat with me on Tumblr. Beckily. I talk about pretty much anything. My Tumblr friends are awesome, but they don't read my stories, so it would be nice to have friends who do. I've also got some art I've done, under the tag #BabyAndMe. I've meant to put it up here but haven't yet.
> 
> I mostly want to draw lately, so I've been slower on writing than I meant to be after getting my laptop. Sorry.
> 
> This story is probably wrapping up in not too much longer, so then I get to chose which of my 30 starts to focus on next. And, you know, finish Am I To Be.


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The tags have been updated.

Speaking of mortality checks, there was an Incident with one of the dracolisks. Sadly, I was nearby, laying on the grass by the stables, avoiding responsibility briefly while Valania watched Max.

Anyway, I got ran over. Dracolisks have claws. I got to experience magical healing. The elfroot potion tastes gross, the magical healing feels weird as shit.

And now I have another interesting scar on my lower belly.

Laying in bed, I kissed Max’s head. He’d been returned to me after I was healed and he promptly nursed himself to sleep.

“Bull is going to be appalled,” Dorian shook his head as he came into the room and sat down beside me.

“Right? Trampled by a rampaging Dracolisk while skygazing. It’s ridiculous.”

“And you’re not hurting anymore? That was some trampling.”

“I’m fine. The mage says there was pretty good damage, but that they cleared it up, and some of the scarring from my previous injuries. I’m guessing the c-section. That’s actually pretty nice, I have to say. It feels more comfortable in a way I hadn’t realized I missed.”

“Oh, well then. We’ll have to thank the Orlesians for being idiots and scaring the beast.”

“Oh yes. Maybe a fruit basket.”

He snorted.

“I’ll get started on that. You get some rest. I’ll stay in here and take care of Max if he needs it.”

I slept.

\--

Bull was home a week later.

I was trying to keep a straight face and as gazed down at me from the foot of the bed where I'd sprawled myself for this conversation.

“You were trampled. By a dracolisk.”

I snorted. “I sure was.”

“I don’t even know what I can say about that, honestly.”

“Yeah, that sucked. They patched me right up, though. You’re just jealous of my awesome battle scar.”

It was his turn to snort. “Yeah, that’s totally it.”

“Why are you standing there judging me? I demand cuddles.”

“Oh, yes ser. One moment.” He took off his boots and the leather parts of his clothes and then crawled into bed. He did not get in our normal position, though, instead he was on his belly, between my legs (hastily spread), resting his head on my belly, arms loosely bracketing my hips and torso.

I started massaging his scalp. “Hey. It was a weird random thing. Or the best assassination attempt ever. Maybe someone was really mad about the taste of the last batch of portable soup. We were low on salt.”

“It was an Orlesian, that’s probably the truth, actually.”

I grinned. “But I am too mighty a warrior! My powerful battle cry frightened off the monster and my Super Impressive Abs repelled most of the damage.”

He laughed. “I’m just glad we randomly had one of the spirit healers here. If she hadn’t come with the wagon of the injured people..”

“Nope! We are not going to sit here daydreaming about me dying of a horrible gut wound. And if we are, it is not going to be one gotten because I was hiding from my baby for an hour behind the stables, there’s no dignity in that. I was saving a family from red templars, probably.”

“Ha.”

I ran my fingers up his horns. “You okay, love?”

“No. Not really. Adamant was..” he shuddered. “And then Dorian was hurt and had to come back here. That..” a sigh. “But at least I could tell myself that you and Max were safe here. And then..”

“Yeah. I’m sorry, love. I meant to be.” I paused for a bit. “Dorian will have Max for awhile more, how about you take some time and check me over. Reassure yourself.”

He growled in an exaggerated way as I winked cheesily. “With words like that, woman, you best brace yourself. I’m going to ‘reassure’ us both. If you’re healed well enough?”

“Oh, I definitely am.”

We both laughed as he settled in to just do that. And we both were. Very reassured.

\---

When they left for the Temple of Mythal, Dorian went with them, but not Bull. In a way, it felt like earlier times - Bull and I living together, taking care of Max. With all the heaviness in the world, it was a sweet get away to feel like teenagers, sneaking trysts and talking late into the night about our dreams and our future.

Bull thought it was a good plan, Max and I joining Dorian in Tevinter.

“We should all stay here in Skyhold as long as we can, of course, but who knows what’s going to happen? It’s not likely I’d be able to get steady work anywhere to be settling down with you. People can deal with Tal Vashoth as mercs, but on the city guard? No way. Dorian can give you stability, and we'll visit as often as possible. Handy having you both together, really.”

\---

And then suddenly Dorian was back, through the Eluvian.

Coryphaeus couldn’t die.

The fear was palpable.

\---

“Are you napping again?” Dorian sounded amused.

“Mph. I was. What?” I grumbled up at him, burying myself under the blankets.

“Who has Max?”

“Bull. I’m really tired, Dorian. What do you need?”

He sat on the bed and felt for my forehead. “Nothing, you’ve just been sleeping a lot lately, I’m worried about you.”

“Ugh. Yeah. I’m just..” I paused. “Um.”

I sat up slowly, my stomach queasy, but it’s been that way lately.

“Oh, fucking FUCK.”

\---

I sent Dorian to find a spell, but he was quick to return with a young woman instead, who did a thorough magical exam.

Dorian went to get Bull.

\---

“You’re what?” Bull sat down abruptly.

“Yeah. Apparently the magical healing after the dracolisk was super thorough. I’m pregnant.”

He started to say something, but suddenly there was screaming outside, so we rushed out.

The Breach had reopened.

“Fucking FUCK,” Bull spit, pulling me close.

He has a way with words

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I went back and forth on this plot point since it popped into my head awhile ago. And then the variations of how it could have come about.
> 
> Decided to go for it. ;)
> 
> You know that meme where the author is one one side of a ravine, seeing where they want to go, but having the big gap between it and them?  
> I visualize this chapter like a stone skipping across.


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've got art and stuff on my Tumblr (I'm Beckily) if you guys are curious. I tag it "baby and me"
> 
> I.... Will likely be adding more for the chapter coming after this, for obvious reasons. Eee!
> 
> Hope you guys like this! Your kudos and comments make my life better.

It took awhile, getting ready to close the Breach.

Everyone had to get their shit together and then actually travel down to Haven. 

Those of us in Skyhold just watched the sky and hoped.

People would try to go about their normal routine, but everyone took so many breaks to just look up at the sky, at the Breach and just.. stare.

We’d already done this. We’d sealed it. And then that he could just reopen it? It was terrifying. What must he have done down there to get it open again? Would the rifts reopen where they’d already been closed?

Would we have to do all of this over again?

I was the only one with any comfort on that part, having played the game.

But the game was a game and reality had more options.

I wasn’t feeling well enough to be in the kitchens much and there wasn’t actually a lot to be done, currently. Max and I spent most days in the garden with Oliver and Renna. We snagged Lania as well when we could. Renna and I would talk pregnancy and things to do to make it less miserable, Oliver entertained the toddlers who were in a climbing phase and seemed to be trying to compete on who could get maimed the fastest. Luckily neither managed much damage, but they were climbing everything and it was exhausting to manage. Praise be to Oliver for helping so much.

\---

The Breach closed in the evening 4 days after it was reopened. We were just about to settle into bed - I was very eager, barely able to keep my eyes open - when suddenly there was cheering from all over the Keep. I went out in my shift, holding Max in my arms, and joined the cheering.

It was over.

They read the names of the fallen after breakfast two days later. Cullen read the names of the soldiers, Leliana read those of her people.

We were silent.

They gave an accounting of the battle. 

It averaged out to a positive mood, but enough people died to sober us, saving the world or no.

\---

The returning fighters were greeted with a party. Not the one Josephine was throwing through official channels, this one was bright, with dancing, drinking, feasts, and likely a whole lot unplanned babies to follow. 

Bull, Dorian, Max, and I were with most of the Inner Circle celebrating, with the advisors joining as well, when my news came out. It is noticeable when one person is refusing any drinks at a time like this. (Not that women in Thedas stopped drinking when they were pregnant, but it was my answer when asked why I wasn’t drinking.)

After much cheering and congratulations, Cullen asked when we'd be getting married.

There was a marked pause and silence from Bull, Dorian, and I.

“I, uh..” I started, but then failed to come up with anything.

Cullen was suddenly very flustered. “Oh! Oh, I'm so sorry. I just assumed..”

I shook my head, “No, it's fine. We honestly haven't even had time to have a conversation about any of this. I found out and told him literally right before the Breach reopened. There's..” I glanced at Bull who honestly looked a lost. “There's really a lot to talk about. Cultural differences, life plans, and all.”

“Indeed.” Dorian finished his drink and stood. “Anyone else need another?”

He walked off without waiting for an answer.

Bull watched him, looking sad, and pulled me onto his lap and into a hug. “Yeah. There's.. we'll figure it out.”

Dorian did return with a drink after awhile, but when the evening was over, he left for his own room, gently saying that Bull and I had things we needed to talk about. I hugged him tight and left, letting Bull and Dorian have a few words without me around.

Cole had taken Max up to bed for us when he’d gotten sleepy, and he smiled at when I came to the room. And then disappeared. I love Cole.

I checked Max, took off my clothes, and was brushing my hair when Bull came in. He set about getting ready for bed as well. I curled up on his chest when we were settled, Max out firmly enough that he didn’t even twitch when we got in bed.

“So.” Bull started.

I huffed a laugh. “Yeah. Quite.” 

I leaned up to kiss his cheek. “I don’t know, Bull. There are so many cultures in Thedas, I don’t know what actually matters. Any child of ours is going to be discriminated against to matter what, but I want to lessen that as much as possible. And none of this changes the fact that a mercenary group isn’t a great place to raise a kid, it actually makes it more true. One kid is way more manageable than two. But this one is your baby, your blood. That’s a little different, sending your blood to Tevinter and just visiting when you can.”

He threaded his fingers through my hair, scratching my scalp in a delightful way “Yeah. It’s different. Which is weird, since I haven’t given much thought to the imekari I helped make for the Qun.”

“Not too weird. There’s a whole system in place there, it’s normal and expected. This was a complete fucking surprise and the culture is very different. You’re very different. I’m certainly different.”

“I don’t..” He sighed. “There’s layers to this, right? First, I don’t want you or our child to be hurt because of me. Which, obviously being half Vashoth is a thing we can’t change, but I don’t want you hurt more. So that will mean marriage. These Andrastians really care about that shit.”

I snorted. “They do. But, we’re not Andrastians. Honestly, fuck the Chantry. Is there some.. other way? Dalish and Dwarves marry and they’re not Andrastian. Do you know if Tal Vashoth or Vashoth have a non-Andrastian method? What’s required in Thedas for it to count? What is marriage, anyway, except declaring yourselves publically?”

“That is true. We could figure out something along those lines. It’s not like people ask for proof of marriage. And then comes the figuring out the future again.”

“Honestly, we have time. I’ll be pregnant a while, things are going to be setting here now that the Breach is closed. And you’ll need to figure out things with Dorian. He’s rightfully not going to be thrilled if you’re married to me. It changes the dynamic. Can you marry two people? Is that a thing here?”

A deep laugh rumbled through his chest. “Hey, if we get to make up our own ceremony, we get to make up our own rules.”

I grinned. “How many dragon’s teeth do you have?”

He kissed the top of my head. “Enough.”

\---

The next morning Bull headed off to discuss things with Dorian. I spent the morning laying in bed, munching the crackers I kept stocked by the bed (I made this batch with cheese and they were delicious), and trying not to puke while Max busied himself with his own cracker and trying to climb everything. He’d managed to climb into my rocking chair and was gleefully standing in it rocking himself when Bull and Dorian came to the room with a lunch tray.

“Oh, real food! You’re the best!” I heaved myself up and reached for the tray. Bull laughed. There were pickles, a small bread loaf, some spiced fat to spread on it, some salami like meats and some roasted squash.

Max came over to investigate while I set us up a plate. He was very pleased with the squash and happily ate it (repetitively putting it in his mouth and then back out into his hand until he finally decided to swallow it. Or throw it on the floor) and then some bread. I was very pleased with everything and ate with gusto. Dorian and Bull looked amused at us, but tucked in happily themselves.

“So! I hear we’re having a heretical joint wedding to celebrate everything! How lovely, father will be delighted,” Dorian grinned.

“Shall we invite your parents, Dorian? There will be a bride there, it’s nearly everything he dreamed of.”

He laughed. “It very nearly is, though you being soporati would dampen the mood slightly. Still, were it my child, he might be able to overlook it at this point.”

“Honestly, though I love Bull, it would be simpler if it were yours. My pelvis would certainly thank me for that consideration. I’m hoping it won’t be born with horns?”

Bull and Dorian both snorted. Bull answered, “No, they come in later. Like teeth.”

“So when are we doing this? How are we doing this? Did you guys puzzle that out, since you actually know the cultures and laws involved?”

“Yes. We just need to talk to the Inquisitor - she’ll be able to do the service, and not being Andrastian herself, she’ll enjoy that ours won’t be - and then plan vows. And clothes. And all that.”

“Perfect. I look forward to it.” I toasted them with the last pickle and then ate it with relish.


	22. Chapter 22

So, molars.

They are terrible. Max was getting two and the resulting fussiness was hard on everyone.

Add that to my incredible exhaustion and nausea, and I hated everything. 

I also suddenly couldn’t stand people breathing near me while I slept, so Dorian and Bull moved to sleep in Dorian’s room, leaving me and Max in the big bed. He was nursing frequently all night because his mouth hurt and he was probably growing and it hurt me. My breasts were so damned tender. But we managed. I’d sing little songs or count to distract myself.

During the days, I was so grateful for our friends. They’d take him out as much as they could, and other nursing friends would nurse him some to give me more of a break. I slept as much as I could. Food was stupid and I hated it, but I did my best to eat. That was a perk of Thedas, really, not much junk food, everything was healthy enough. 

I wanted a cheeseburger. 

A big greasy one, with extra cheese. And mozzarella sticks. And a giant fucking chocolate oreo milkshake. Or a Heath Blizzard. 

Or, you know, crackers with seeds, hard cheese and broth. I guess. Ugh. That’s all I was keeping down, anyway.

Dorian and Bull were planning the wedding. I know weddings are big exciting things to people, but I was too miserable to build up any caring. It was complicated. Yes, we cared about each other but we wouldn’t be doing this if I wasn’t pregnant. It was.. Well, it was what it was. And we’d figure it out.

Krem did come through one day with fabric swatches and we had some fun figuring out my dress - It would be my dress for special occasions for years to come, so there were many things to consider with it. We chose a beautiful rich copper dress with an overdress of a lovely leaf patterned green. I think he muttered something about a new shift with lace edging but he was out before I could ask.

\---

I was having myself a pouting fit, wanting comfort food from home. I begged off some ingredients from the cooks and rushed back to the room where Bull and Dorian were entertaining Max.

“Hello, darling! How are you feeling?” asked Dorian, coming over to inspect my food basket.

“Oh, I’m about to be a lot better. I’m going to make comfort food. Hopefully you guys like it, but if you don’t, I will probably cheerfully eat it all myself.”

“Milk?” Dorian held up the bottle.

“Yes, goat. From the new herd they got in. I’m going to make something called biscuits and gravy. Milk gravy, with sausage. I miss it.”

I nursed Max first, while Dorian got the fire going. When the coals were ready, I mixed my biscuit dough - flour, baking powder, lard, salt, buttermilk - and then pressed them out into a rectangle before cutting them. 

“Most people make round biscuits, but they have to then reroll the scraps. I have no scraps! Perfect every time!”

I put the biscuits on to bake and then started cooking down the sausage in another pan, adding a bit of butter, then flour, then the milk when it was ready. I made a bunch of scrambled eggs in another pan, very carefully so they didn’t stick. (This was a new skill, at home I never could manage it without a nonstick pan) Everything finished at about the same time.

“Yes!” I cheered when the biscuits came out well. I dished Max some eggs and gave him a little bit of biscuits and then served myself - scrambled biscuit, then egg, then smothering everything in gravy. More black and red pepper on top. Perfection.

I blissed out, moaning in delight with the first bite, while Bull and Dorian dished up, Dorian trying a bite of Bull’s before making a doubtful face and getting eggs, biscuits, and no gravy. I grinned and pointed to the pot of jelly, which he made happy use of.

“So,” Bull started as he added more red pepper to his bowl. “Everything should be ready in about four days.”

I nodded. “Alright.”

Dorian laughed. “Most women show far more interest in their weddings.”

“Only if they’re not having both a hellacious first trimester and a teething toddler. Plus,” I shrugged. “Honestly, I’m probably struggling with cultural stuff. It’s different here. Everything is so different here. And mostly I’m okay, but I’m dead fucking tired and really hormonal, so it’s harder.”

“What’s different?’

“Well. The meaning of marriage has changed, I think. It’s much more rare for people to have to get married just because you got pregnant. Being a bastard isn’t really very interesting, most of the time. Certainly not where I lived. And marriage was generally more.. I don’t know. It’s hard to explain culture sometimes. We had a plan. We liked the plan. And then out of left field there’s this baby and we all suddenly have to do this thing that... “ I started tearing up. “That we wouldn’t have.”

Bull put his bowl aside and held open his arms. “Come here.”

I sniffled and crawled onto his lap.

“No. We wouldn’t have done this. And it’s weird, I’m not going to lie. But we three? We’re solid. We were going to have a bond either way. This is just adding some fancy clothes to it.”

“And cake!” I interrupted.

He grinned. “And cake. But who we are to each other isn’t changing. We’re just.. Changing paths a little bit. And we’re still thumbing our noses at them, with me taking both of you.”

Dorian snorted and muttered, “Taking!”

“But don’t think I don’t want this. If it wasn’t something I was okay with, we would have done something else. Just like from the start, we’re taking what comes at us and we’re making it through together.”

I hugged him tight. “Alright.”

\---

And then it was the day.

Krem cut my hair for me, helped me get into my dress after my bath, and then fixed my hair in a simple bun. 

I hugged him tight. “You’re the best.”

“I do try,” he grinned. “It’s still weird to me that you’re marrying the Chief.”

“Hey!” said Bull, pulling on a lovely embroidered vest. 

“It is weird, I agree,” I interrupted, before kissing Bull’s shoulder. Dorian slipped in then, dressed in red, looking amazing. I just stopped and stared. We all did.

“Yes, yes, I know. Exquisite, no?”

Bull came to his senses the fasted and was on him in seconds, pressing him against the door and kissing him senseless.

I laughed and changed Max into a clean gown. “Looks like we’re ready, yes? Or do you need a moment to fix back up, Dorian?”

He gently pressed Bull back, smoothing his hands down the vest. “Mm. Yes, just a moment.”

He quickly fixed his mustache, hair and clothes and then we all went to the garden together.

\---

“This is the time that you have chosen to join your lives in marriage.”

The Inquisitor was marrying us in the little pavillion in the garden. Our friends were scattered about the garden, children happily munching snacks to keep them quiet. Max was sitting with Krem, gnawing on a carrot to sooth his poor teething gums.

“We are here not only to witness your commitment to each other, but to wish you every happiness in your future life together. Marriage is founded on sincerity and understanding, which leads to tolerance, confidence and trust. We believe that those qualities, which have attracted you to each other, can be best developed during a life spent together.”

Dorian and I were standing on either side of Bull, holding his hands. Bull was looking very serious, which surprised me. Dorian kept looking around like he couldn’t quite believe this was happening.

“A happy marriage will enable you to establish a home with love and stability where your family and friends will always be welcome.”

The Inquisitor smiled. “Bull and Raia, do you promise to love, respect, and protect each other from this day forward?”

Bull looked down at me and smiled softly. I squeezed his hand. We answer together.

“We do.”

“Do you promise to accept the responsibility of being a family, encouraging and supporting each other in your life together?”

“We do.”

“In front of your family and friends, by virtue of the vows made freely and joyfully, I now pronounce you married.”

Bull leaned down and kissed me softly, still holding Dorian’s hand. I laughed as our friends cheered.

The Inquisitor turned to face more towards Dorian. “Bull and Dorian, do you promise to love, respect, and protect each other from this day forward?”

Dorian had to clear his throat, but managed a strong voice to join Bull's.

“We do.”

“Do you promise to accept the responsibility of being a family, encouraging and supporting each other in your life together?”

At this, Dorian looked towards Max and smiled before looking up at Bull.

“We do.”

“In front of your family and friends, by virtue of the vows made freely and joyfully, I now pronounce you married!”

Dorian pulled Bull down for his kiss by a horn. We all cheered.

There was food, friends, cheesecake and an impressive croquembouche.

Later that evening, after Max was sleeping but before Dorian and Bull went to their own room, we exchanged dragon tooth jewelry. Bull's was tipped in dawnstone, half of two different teeth joined together in an attractive way. Mine and Dorian's were tipped in volcanic aurum.

Bull had rubbed my feet and hands while we talked that evening and left me with a lovely sweet kiss to have a more vigorous wedding night with Dorian while I slept.

It was perfect.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Those are my actual wedding vows, though I only used them marrying one person.
> 
> I hope that you liked it!
> 
> Pictures!  
> My drawing of the wedding clothes/ hanging out in the garden. (And yes, apparently I blinded the wrong eye, let's pretend I didn't)  
> https://beckily.tumblr.com/image/175525517027
> 
> Bull's jewelery: https://beckily.tumblr.com/image/176162453142
> 
> Clothes references:  
> Raia: https://i.pinimg.com/originals/df/86/de/df86deb0781c205f5efc76a6faa2746f.jpg  
> Dorian: https://monavora.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/02/GG553.jpg  
> I made Bull's up myself.


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a few more chapters after this, I think! Possibly one. We shall see!

Max was quietly playing in the corner. I’d brought his little basket of interesting rocks and the one with smooth sticks. He was telling a little story in Baby Speak and dancing a stick on top of two smooth flat rocks.

I was combing and braiding Renna’s sweat soaked hair as the midwife and a few other friends set up her bed for the birth - several layers of sheets, a stack of more sheets, towels, pillows. We’d been with her for a quite few hours so far. First talking in the garden as she rocked and swayed, then with Max strapped to my back as we walked the library stairs and the ramparts. She was eating just now, a rich druffalo stew, with pickled okra, and watered wine.

Bull peaked in, caught my eye and pointed at Max. I nodded. He quietly called for Max, who grinned and ran to him. They left.

“Alright. What are you needing now, Renna?”

She finished her wine and stood, groaning with another contraction. “I think on my side for awhile. Could you rub my back?”

“Of course.”

We got her stripped and on the bed, bolstered with blankets and comfortable. I got gently scented oil and massaged her, deep and slow, fingers to toes. When the contractions were strong, I gave counter pressure on her sacrum, pressing in and down towards her toes. She’d groan with it and nod.

I stayed with her through all of it, several of us did, taking naps when we needed them. Talking when needed, holding her hand, wiping her face, rubbing and pressing and holding her. Max came in to nurse a few times, and I’d go off to the side to snuggle him up and nurse, before handing him off - awake or asleep - to whomever was minding him at the time.

At the end, she was kneeling on the bed, one knee up, one knee down, leaning into my shoulder as we held each other and she pushed that one last time and her sweet baby slid out into the midwife’s hands. She sobbed in relief and I kissed the top of her head.

“You did it, Renna. You are mighty.”

We helped ease her down so she was comfortable on her back, replacing the blood soaked cloths with clean ones, pulling the baby up to her chest. She stroked and hugged him, looking into his face - a little white with vernix, red smeared with blood. Unfocused and smooshed with newness. 

She reached a hand down to feel between - yes, his - legs. “Another boy.”

She started crying again, rocking him and singing softly. We all cried with her. He was perfect.

Hours later, when we’d finally tied off his cord, wiped him down with towels, had her all cleaned up and the bed remade, I kissed her forehead again, and made my way to my own bed. Other friends, fresh and rested, were there to take care of her through the night. Her husband and Oliver were there, awed at their new baby and so grateful that Renna was doing well.

Dorian was in my bed, sleeping with Max on his chest, his mustache askew. I grinned. Bull came up behind me, putting his arms around me, his hand on my belly where his baby grew. “How’s she doing?”

“She’s good. It was a good birth. A perfect son.”

He hummed and kissed the top of my head. “I know you’re tired, but could we..?”

I huffed. “I am not tired, I’m bone dead exhausted. And I’d love to.”

We were quiet so we didn’t wake up our sleeping boys. Just a slow rocking, me astride him, both of us holding the other tight, breathing each other in.

\---

Bull and Dorian had to head out. The war was over, but cleanup is never ending. There was a big shipment of dead animals to finish processing just after they left, so we were busy again making traveling rations. 

The first few days I was able to leave Max with Krem, but the Chargers had to head out on a mission after that. Max was into everything, so there was no option but to strap him on my back and get on with it, no matter how much that sucked while halfway through a pregnancy.

There was one day I was able to leave him with another friend, but he climbed on a chair and then launched himself off, skinning his forehead cheek, nose, chin and hands. Very impressive, and unable to be soothed except by me. So then again, hot kitchen, hard work, toddler strapped to my back.

Luckily it was just for two weeks before things calmed back down. Work in Thedas isn’t like work back on Earth - you work when there’s something to be done, days tend to be shorter. You get more time off. And they understand the rhythms of life. That’s probably not the way with every job, obviously, but it’s been the way with mine in the Inquisition. They have enough people with refugees and such to have a steady supply of labor without overworking people. Plus the days were getting short with the shift in seasons, and candles are expensive. 

I’m finally getting a break with the teething. That was more than a month of terrible sleep and fussy toddler making everything hard. The pregnancy is good. My body is strong, my diet is healthy. My belly is impressively large.

We carry on carrying on.

\---

Bull and Dorian came back after about a month. It was good timing, I was about to go mad with the hormones. Poor Bull couldn’t catch a break after that. Well, not saying he was asking for one, but I was on him as much as possible. Any moment alone, any moment with the baby asleep and us _mostly_ alone. I was large, ripe, and so sensitive. I could orgasm with the least amount of effort. Once I was sitting on his lap in the Rest with everyone and he bit my neck just right and right over I went. In front of everyone. Who mostly didn’t notice, but Krem did for sure.

He mocked me for days.

Which is why there was a special level of dryness in Dorian’s voice when he walked in one evening with Max to find Bull and I in bed, me breathing deep and Bull’s hand between my legs.

“You realize I had him even longer than I said I would, yes?”

I laughed. “Yes, and we’re done with the sex bit. This is.. Prep work? For the birth. He’s doing an internal massage. A very non-sexy one. In fact, it’s painful.”

Bull laughed and moved his hand slightly to press a different spot and I hissed before forcing myself to relax and breathe into it.

Dorian raised an eyebrow, but came in, put Max on the potty and passed him a basket of blocks to keep him there.

“I have several half jokes forming about how much ‘internal massage’ you’ve been receiving lately, but that kind generally leaves you frowning less, not more.”

“Ha. Yeah. Bull aims for the good spots for that. This has him searching out tense and tender parts and pressing until they’re relaxed. And helps me practice relaxing into pain and pressure in there, which is helpful for pushing this baby out. And it makes my hips feel amazing when he’s done.”

“Interesting. I’ve never heard of that, but it does make sense.”

Bull shifted again. “AH! Mm. Yes. It’s a thing from my home. Hopefully it helps.”

“It’s interesting. It all makes sense, when you thinking about it. Your dancing, your stretches, this, the practicing of positions. You certainly don’t go into battle without training.” Bull opined. “There, that was the last spot.”

He pulled his finger out, I pulled my dress down. He bent to kiss me and then moved to the ewer to wash his hands. I got up and settled into a deep squat, heels flat on the floor, arms above my head. “Yes. Yes, that feels better. Thanks, love.”

Max ran to me and I only just managed not to tip over backwards when he launched himself into my arms. “Precious boy. Time for dinner.”

\---

“Maker’s Breath!” Cullen hadn’t seen me in awhile, he and the Inquisitor had gone on an extended vacation. I think visiting his family in South Reach. 

I grinned, turning from the sunset over the mountains that I’d been watching. “Hello, darling! Miss me?”

“Can you even fit through doors?” He sputtered, before turning red. “Uh, I mean. Yes. How are you?”

I laughed. “Not sideways, I can’t. And I’ve still probably got a few more weeks of this, so I’m going to get bigger.”

He goggled.

“You know, where I’m from, I’m supposed to take offense if anyone calls me large.”

“What? Why? Anyone can see that you’re..”

“The size of seven houses, yes. I was large with Max, too, but Max wasn’t part qunari.”

Cullen just stared.

“How was your trip, Cullen?”

“It was good. My family loved her, of course, and it was.. really nice, being around family again. I realized, just now that ah,” his hand went to the back of his neck. “I realized that for awhile, I had thought that maybe you..” He shook his head. “And here we are, back from meeting the family while you’re married already.”

I smiled and took his hand. “Yes. Me, too.” I squeezed and released it. “The future is a strange place. I think it’s turned out rather well. Though, I have to say, size-wise, your child would likely be more merciful.”

The baby kicked, Cullen goggled again, and we both laughed. “Can I…?”

And so we stood there for awhile, Cullen feeling the baby dancing in my belly with both hands, while we caught up.

The later rumors were, naturally, ridiculous.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The massage is from: https://birthingbetter.org/home/
> 
> With my first kid, I did Blissborn, which is hypnosis. With my second, I did that plus the Pink Kit. Seriously, that internal work is good for anyone pregnant or not, great for your pelvis!


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I've been so slow. I've suddenly got a ton of things to do all at once so I'm slowly pecking away at each thing as inspiration comes to me.
> 
> This is somehow really short, which is annoying to me, but it's done!! Hopefully you guys like it. <3

One of my favorite things to do was to sneak up to people and whack them in the head with my belly. It never worked with Bull, he’s both very hard to sneak up on and his head is rarely at the correct level, but I could get Dorian in the library when he was concentrating really hard.

He’d get the most hilarious series of facial expressions - starting with surprise, then annoyance, then amusement, and then the look of vague horror he got any time he looked at my belly. 

“I really don’t understand how you can even walk at this point. You’re as tall standing as you would be laying on your back.” He ran a careful hand over my belly, getting a friendly kick from the giant within. His expression softened.

“I am strong and amazing. My pubic bone is a bitch, though, and I’m not sure why the fuck I thought coming here was worth the agony of the stairs both ways.”

“Well, I am worth any pain, you know. Did you need something, or did you just want to ram me again?”

I waggled my eyebrows. “Ramming you is worth anything, true. I don’t actually need anything. I feel antsy as fuck, though, so I’m just running around annoying everyone. Krem’s got Max right now because Krem is wonderful and I love him.”

“What’s Bull up to?” He was playing a little game with the baby, poking and then the baby would kick him and then he’d poke again.

“He was flirting with the barmaids last I saw. I don’t know how he has the stamina. I’ve had a go at him today, and by the look of his back, you did last night. I actually plan another soon. Maybe I’ll go do that.”

Dorian laughed. “I don’t think he’d be able to keep up with us and actually fuck other people, but he flirts like he breathes. I’d worry if he stopped, I think.”

“True, true. Alright! Off I go then. Oh! I am having another stubborn craving, so we will be having pizza again tonight. We found some lovely canned tomatoes and they will do quite nicely. You’ll see how much better it is with a proper sauce.”

He took my hand and kissed the back of it. “I look forward to it, my lady. Until then.”

I kissed the top of his head and moved to the stairs before sighing dramatically and painfully making my way back down.

\---

The toddler was napping with Krem in his room, I had managed to pop my pubic bone so it didn’t hurt, and I was alone in our room. I had Imagine Dragons blaring on my phone as I rocked out, dancing belly dance moves, singing along, completely joyful and into it when I looked up see Bull watching me, an indescribable expression on his face.

I grinned and spun before lowering down into a deep squat and doing slow hip circles to the slow part before rising up to do full body rolls and hip lifts and drops.

“I’d be impressed with someone doing that in general, but with a belly that big, it... “ He grinned. “My brain keeps trying to make it make sense and it isn’t working.”

I laughed and danced to him, leaning my back against his side and writhing. “It feels really good, though. I fixed my pelvis so I’m celebrating the lack of pain.”

Bull slide a hand down my chest to rest on my belly which was bobbing along dramatically as I continued to dance against him. “Did you now? By how you’re moving your hips, I think I should maybe investigate that more thoroughly. Do you think we have time?”

“I do, in fact. I just nursed Max to sleep and he’s with Krem.”

Bull hummed and moved his hand up from my belly to slide through my hair before gripping it and pulling tight. I hissed.

“Well then.”

\---

The contractions that had started with my dancing had only increased in strength after several intense orgasms. I drank some water, ate some dried nuts and fruit and laid on my side for a nap.

Krem brought Max back before I’d gotten much sleep, and he needed to nurse, so we cuddled in bed singing and nursing and wrestling around. He was happy if he was with me, but for the last next few days he would usually melt down without me, needing lots of cuddles and very frequent nursing. It was exhausting. 

The constant nursing increased the contractions, of course, so I spent the next few days breathing through those, walking, nursing, dancing, and resting against any surface in a deep squat, breathing and willing the baby to lower and exit.

\---

Bull was in his chair in front of the fire reading a book, Dorian was in his, drinking wine and staring at the fire when I finally got Maxed nursed down in bed. I breathed through another contraction and then got up to join them for a bit. I felt very out of sorts all of a sudden. I was in a contraction and it was more intense and I couldn’t… I couldn’t… And there was another and I couldn’t remember how to breath and I couldn’t --

Bull was with me, wrapping his arms around me, “Breathe. You need to breathe. Let me count for you.”

And so he counted me through my contractions, rubbing my back firmly.

I don’t know how long we did that. He got me settled on my hands and knees on the bed and rubbed my hips. Max was gone, but it didn’t register to me. Dorian came back (He’d left?) with the midwife and she was around, setting things up for me, but she left us alone.

I remember it in flashes. I caught snatches of sleep between contractions, drinking rich broths and endless tea. Walking, dancing, leaning into Bull. And then gently, so gently, so fucking slowly, the baby came down. Bull’s hands where there when the baby finally slid free guiding them down to the bed between my legs before carefully helping me down from my squat to lay down. Then the baby was on my chest, with a small blanket on us both. Soft baby skin against my belly, the feel of that same tiny body shifting and moving on the outside of my body instead of the inside. That sweet face, screwed up against the world, but slowly starting to blink back at me.

I reached down between little thighs-

“You have a daughter, Bull.”

And that giant of a man wept and touched his daughter with such reverence, moving on the bed to curl around us, watching her face as she took us in.

\---

When the placenta was out and we were both cleaned up, we settled into bed with me supported on pillows, drinking a mug of broth, and the baby curled up on Bull’s chest. She was actually a pretty large baby - as expected - but she looked ridiculously tiny against Bull’s bulk. She had very light grey skin with a little fuzz of dark hair on her head. She actually looked a lot like Max around her eyes, but her mouth reminded me of Bull. She’d nursed earlier, very competently.

“Do you need anything else?” Dorian was dressed and ready to get Max from Velania. The midwife had left us about an hour ago.

“I don’t think so? The healing potions have done quite nicely for my everything and someone will bring us dinner later. Just my baby, please!”

He nodded, kissed all three of us, and headed out.

“I was thinking we could name her Asaara. It means wind.” Bull ran his fingers up and down the baby’s back gently.

“Oh, that’s really pretty. I half thought you’d want to go with Ataashi.”

He laughed quietly. “Nah. Though maybe someday we can fight one together. I think Asaara fits her more than the other names we’d agreed on.”

“I agree I like it.”

Bull bent to kiss my head. “Asaara.”


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well. This is the end. That feels strange. Thank you for coming on this adventure with me.  
> It's possible/probable that I'll post another linked story with extra little tidbits. Like a backstory and introduction to the two OCs who insisted they be in this chapter. And other random things. Though I've got Coalesce I need to focus on, and other stories I slowly add to without the commitment of having posted them. (I recently started one I think is pretty cool, we'll see if my muse continues to agree)  
> Anyway. I thank you so much for being with me for this. It's helped me process the trauma around my son's birth and learn that I really can actually write. I always thought I couldn't.  
> Love you guys <3

One year later.

There’s a lovely little hamlet near Tantervale in Starkhaven. It’s peaceful, with a close-knit community more varied in race than places I've been in Southern Thedas. Near enough to Tevinter that there was a decent-sized community of escaped slaves, mostly elves but not all. There were a few families of dwarves even a large family of Vashoth farmers - they had 6 kids and another on the way, due any day now.  
Velania and her husband had settled near the edge of town, Lania had a brand new little brother, born strong and growing fast.  
Bull and I were their neighbors. I was so grateful when they agreed to come with us, Max and Lania spent all their time together still, while Asaara desperately tried to join them in anything she could, crawling behind them and getting into everything.

The Chargers had come up first, finding a lovely tavern whose owners were looking to retire and move to live with their son in Kirkwall. They still took mercenary jobs as they wanted, and kept the town safe.

Bull was a natural at running a tavern. There were 7 nice rooms upstairs to rent out, the ceilings in the main area were high enough for anyone but Corypheaus, and we served up delicious meals to go with the alcohol. The kitchen even came with a beautiful ground oven and Velania and I started all our days working in a practiced rhythm making flatbread after flatbread to go along with rich stews and delicious spiced meats. Living up north came with easy access to wonderful spices and I took full advantage. I’d even managed something similar to Butter Chicken that always made me a bit teary with happiness and longing for Earth.

\---

“Bull, my love?”

He looked up, amused and as I sidled into the room. “Yes, my darling?”

“Your children need you desperately. I am extremely busy right now and cannot possibly interrupt this important work.”

I hastily picked up a book and sat on the floor to read it. 

“Ah, I see,” He shook his head, very familiar with what this would indicate. “Did you at least start some water heating?”

I smiled. “I did. The large kettle is on, there’s a bucket of water beside the tub already. And towels.”

He rubbed his hand over my head as he went past to haul the kids to the bath house. “You relax and do your Very Important Work. I’ll go find the mud monsters.”

I grabbed his hand and kissed his knuckles. “Call me when they’re done, I’ll come help with drying and dressing before we go for dinner.”

\---

Dinner is always at the tavern. We walk into the kitchen with Max on Bull’s shoulders and Asaara on my hip.

“Hello, my blessings! How goes the dinner prep?” The cooks were a new addition and I still noticed every bit of ease they brought me and never tired of letting them know how much I appreciated them.

“Well, Mistress,” Tua said in her quiet voice. They were escaped elven slaves, and on a scale between Orana and Fenris, they sat pretty solidly in the middle. Quiet, deferential, but with a hard edge underneath. They hadn’t told me how they escaped, but I was pretty certain it hadn’t been peaceful.

I sat the kids at the small table in the corner and got all our bowls ready - rice, sausage and bean soup, a scoop out of the big jar of creme fraiche from the counter, a large flatbread torn and divided among us.

“Beans!” Cheered Max when I sat down his little wooden bowl. Asaara just grinned and stuck her hand in merrily before smearing beans across her mouth.

The soup was delicious. Honestly, I was a decent enough cook, but Tua and Lano were so much better than I was. “You two are seriously treasures. I can’t thank you enough for finding your way here to us instead of to somewhere where they wouldn’t appreciate you so much.”

They smiled and Lano scooped a bowl for Tua. “It’s time for you to eat, love.”

I gestured for her to join us. One of my very strict rules for them to work here was for them to eat as often and as much as they wanted, especially Tua since she was pregnant. “Yes, join us. Relax before the rush. Did you get enough sleep?”

She took a bite and nodded shyly. She still wasn’t comfortable with us, but she was getting more so all the time.

\---

We were just finishing up dinner when Dorian burst through the door between the kitchen and the tavern, a large basket in one hand and a bottle of wine in the other.

“Hello! I come bearing-”

He paused because the cooks had yelled and grabbed knives, crouching defensively.

“Wait, no stop!” I quickly got in front of Dorian and looked at them. “He’s not going to hurt you, I’m so sorry, this was a surprise visit.”

There was a pause. “Why do you have a Magister visiting you then?” Lano asked, neither dropping their knives.

“He’s my husband,” Bull said, keeping calm since the kids were looking to him to judge how to react. “He really won’t hurt you. He doesn’t hold with slavery these days. He freed all his family’s slaves when he inherited, paying them well if they wanted to stay on as paid servants.”

“Yes,” Dorian said, setting the basket and wine down. “Terribly sorry, I have a tendency to just stop in without telling anyone. I didn’t realize I would be scaring anyone. I promise you are safe from me. I just want to visit my family, and maybe have some of whatever it is that smells so amazing.”

“These are our new amazing cooks. Valania and I still do the bread and help out, but we can’t compete with their level of deliciousness. What’s in the basket?” I bent to peak. Tua and Lano put down their knives, but stayed wary.

“I brought spices, which will be even more appreciated by people who know them well. Also some sweets.” He went to Bull for a kiss before turning to the kid table. “Oh my! I see that you have grown larger and filthier. Good beans, looks like?”

Asaara cheered and spit out a mouth of beans into her hand to show him and Max just laughed shyly. They wouldn’t approach him for about an hour, based on past visits.

“I’m sorry,” Lano started. “You’re… you’re a magister, aren’t you? And you’re.. Married to The Iron Bull? I thought he was married to Raia?”

I grinned. “Yes. It was a complicated situation. Bull was with both of us and then I became pregnant. I had thought I wasn’t able to after things went badly with Max, but apparently one of the Inquisition's healers healed me very thoroughly after an injury. We didn’t want things to change - we were all happy. So if I married Bull, it only made sense that Dorian marry Bull. The Inquisitor did the ceremony, it wasn’t a Chantry marriage. Obviously Tevinter isn’t going to see it as a real marriage, but we do. Bull and I are together and we raise our family here. Dorian and Bull are together, but Dorian mostly has to live in Tevinter where he is trying to make big changes - most of which you would probably approve of. Dorian and I are not together.”

Tua brought Dorian a bowl of rice and soup with flatbread. He bowed his head to her, “Thank you, this smells amazing. Feel free to help yourself to anything in the basket.”

Tano and Lua blinked at him, not expecting the manners, but then Tua went to empty the basket, first hesitantly and then with enthusiasm as she started inspecting the spices. Tano grinned, shook his head and joined her, finally willing to turn his back on Dorian. We all relaxed.

\---

We spent the evening together in our house, catching each other up on everything. Asaara was sitting on Dorian’s lap gently petting his mustache, sleepy faced and gazing up at him while he talked about the ridiculousness of the Magisterium. Max was behind him driving a wooden car up and down his back, doing car noises and everything. No one understood the toy or the sounds, except me, but it soothed something in me to have the kids playing with cars, and everyone liked the massages that came with the wheels.

When it was time for bed, I joined the kids in our bed while Dorian and Bull went to the room they shared when Dorian was in town. 

It was good, this life.

I felt satisfied and connected in ways that I never expected while growing up in modern Earth.

I knew things would get iffy in the next few years, but all I could do was to love my family, protect my little corner, and be good to people. Hoping that somehow we’d all manage to get through the end of the world again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Making the bread, this is what I was meaning: https://youtu.be/atUqWxLQyZQ


End file.
